Securely Attached

Joining me is Dr. Stuart Ablon, a psychologist, Harvard Medical School professor, founder and director of Think:Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital, and author of several books, including Changeable: How Collaborative Problem Solving Changes Lives at Home, at School, and at Work. Together we explore: Why kids' struggles are more about lagging skills than lack of motivation. The importance of empathy, co-regulation, and relationship-building in reducing conflict. The 3 "plans" parents can choose from when kids aren't meeting expectations—and how to use them effectively. How Collaborative Problem Solving offers a structured yet compassionate alternative to "tough love" or "gentle parenting." Practical ways to use this approach proactively and in the heat of the moment. How practicing this method not only improves behavior, but also fosters resilience, flexibility, and stronger parent–child bonds. Whether you're a parent, teacher, or clinician, this conversation offers practical tools and a fresh perspective to help you support kids with understanding, structure, and collaboration LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 https://www.stuartablon.com/ 🔗 https://thinkkids.org/ 📚 Changeable: How Collaborative Problem Solving Changes Lives at Home, at School, and at Work 💻 Tedx Talk FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: 📱@thinkkidscps 📱@drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 👉 Dr. Ablon has generously shared an amazing parenting resource with us. Visit https://thinkkids.org/Self-Paced-Courses/Parent-Caregiver-Course/ and use Code: SecurelyAttached to get access to this course for ✨FREE✨ Available in both English and Spanish. 💥 Tired of constant battles with your child? Watch my ✨FREE✨ workshop, Overcoming Power Struggles, where I'll teach you the exact strategies I use in my clinical practice to help parents break free from the cycle of yelling, threats, and negotiations—and instead foster cooperation, connection, and calm. Just visit drsarahbren.com/powerstruggles to get instant access to this workshop. 📚 The Explosive Child: A New Approach For Understanding And Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 328. The neuroscience of raising emotionally resilient kids: Supporting your child's emotional growth and regulation with Dr. Kristen Lindquist 🎧24. The psychology behind dysregulation with founder of Parenting Translator Cara Goodwin 🎧06. Teaching children emotion regulation skills through coregulation with Dana Rosenbloom 🎧318. The neuroscience of control: Helping kids cope with stress and become self-driven with Dr. William Stixrud

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about... How to step back and figure out if (and when!) you're interfering in your child's play. Practical strategies to set up your home environment so independent play can actually thrive. The surprising "sweet spot" number of toys that leads to longer, more engaging play. What a "yes space" is—and how it can support your child's growth through play. How to set realistic expectations, and what to do if you're looking for a balance between being fully uninvolved and slightly engaged. The difference between "alone play" and "independent play." What are the best toys and activities that actually encourage independent play (and how to tell if a toy is worth it). The developmental tasks by age that you can lean on to foster longer stretches of play. If you've ever wondered how to encourage your child to play on their own (without guilt, overwhelm, or resorting to endless screen time), this episode is packed with perspective, validation, and practical tools to help you get there. REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES: 🔗 RAD Furniture (R.A.D. Children's Furniture) - Dr. Sarah's favorite place to get Pikler triangles and other play furniture for incouraging gross motor development 🔗 MakeDo – Dr. Sarah's go-to birthday gift, open-ended construction tools (screws, saws, screwdrivers, etc.) for building 🔗 Magna-Tiles – Both Dr. Sarah and Dr. Emily's kids love these magnetic building tiles (pro tip: put a bin with these on the floor to make them easier for kids to access on their own!) 🔗 Doctor's Kit Play Set, Vet's Kit Play Set, and Cleaning Play Set - Toys that help them play with and work through concepts from their own life ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode answering the question, is there a wrong way to encourage independent play? 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about fostering independent play with The Workspace for Children's Lizzie Assa 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the benefits of play with Jennie Monness 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to use a RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers) approach in your parenting with Janet Lansbury 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the importance of play for adults and using it as a tool to prevent burnout with Mike Rucker WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Most of us got the puberty talk—but almost no one got the menopause talk. It's time to change that. And Dr. Lauren Streicher is here this week to do just that! Together we explore: Why menopause is a whole-body experience, not just "hot flashes and periods stopping." What perimenopause actually is, when it starts, and why the definition of menopause itself is outdated. How mood changes, anxiety, and sleep issues are often hormone-driven—and why SSRIs aren't always the right first step. Why shame and secrecy around menopause and sexuality have left so many women in the dark. How to talk to our daughters (and sons!) about the full reproductive life cycle from puberty through menopause, without stigma or shame. The difference between misinformation online and evidence-based solutions—and red flags to watch for when seeking care. What questions to ask your doctor to know if they're truly menopause-informed. Why preparing before symptoms begin can empower women to feel confident, validated, and supported in midlife and beyond. Menopause is so much more than the stereotypes we've been taught and this episode will leave you with clarity, tools, and a sense of empowerment to navigate this transition with confidence. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 https://www.drstreicher.com/ 📚 https://drstreicher.substack.com/ 🎧 Dr. Streicher's Inside Information: Menopause, Midlife, and More FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: 📱@drstreich 📱@drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 🔗 https://menopause.org/ 📚 https://vajenda.substack.com/ 📚 https://drstreicher.substack.com/p/cherry-picking 👉 Are you navigating the emotional or identity shifts that come with menopause—or any of life's big transitions? At Upshur Bren Psychology Group, we specialize in helping women feel grounded, supported, and empowered during times of change. Whether you're struggling with mood, identity, relationships, or simply the uncertainty of "what's next," we're here to help. Visit upshurbren.com to learn more about support options or schedule a free consultation call so we can share recommendations for a personalized plan to meet your unique needs. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧226. Pelvic care, energetic healing, and body wisdom: Taking a holistic approach to women's health with Tami Lynn Kent 🎧 80. How a sex therapist strives to raise her children to be sex positive: Unpacking developmentally appropriate expectations, boundaries, body autonomy, and consent with Dr. Holly Richmond 🎧36. Maternal mental health throughout pregnancy and parenthood with birth doula Carson Meyer 🎧150. Bridging ancient wisdom and modern science with yoga therapist Nicole Katz

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about... Whether it's developmentally normal for kids to start asking about death—even when there hasn't been a recent loss. How much our own histories with grief, trauma, and cultural beliefs shape the way we respond when those questions come up. Why using euphemisms like "went to sleep forever" or unclear statements like "passed away" may actually create more anxiety for children instead of comfort. How to find the balance between honesty and reassurance when the questions feel bigger than the answers. Why kids sometimes ask the same hard questions over and over—and what they might really be seeking. What to make of it when a child doesn't seem to feel the weight and seriousness of death. If your child has ever asked "Are you going to die?" and left you speechless, this episode offers perspective, validation, and concrete tools to help you navigate these profound conversations with calm and compassion. REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES: 👉 Are you coping with grief and loss, or looking for parenting support to help you navigate tough conversations like the ones we discussed in this episode? Visit upshurbren.com to learn about the therapy and coaching services at Upshur Bren Psychology Group or CLICK HERE to schedule a free call to connect with a member of our care team about your family's unique needs. ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to Part 1 and Part 2 of my podcast episodes about navigating conversations about death with Rabbi Steve Leder 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about processing death with death doula Heather Hogan 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about supporting a grieving child with Dr. Dan Wolfson Y WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Claire Lerner joins me to talk about how we can best support "big reactors" — highly sensitive children who experience the world with heightened intensity, passion, and emotion. Together we explore: Why trying to "change" a child often backfires — and why shifting our own approach can spark real change. How to recognize when your child's explosive behavior is driven by overwhelm, rigidity, or a need for control. The difference between masking and thriving, and why kids may act very differently at home than at school. What it means to be your child's "rock" during meltdowns and how to hold limits without fueling the fire, How to create structure and predictability that helps sensitive kids feel safe and more flexible. Why consistency matters more than quick results — and what to expect before things get better. Practical, real-life strategies for navigating transitions, setting boundaries, and reducing daily battles. Whether you're parenting a highly sensitive child or you just want to strengthen your connection and reduce the chaos at home, this conversation will give you validation, hope, and tangible tools to help your child — and your whole family — thrive. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 https://www.lernerchilddevelopment.com/ 📚 Big Reactors: Practical Strategies for Parenting Highly Sensitive Children FOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA: 📱 @lernerchilddevelopment 📱 @drsarahbren ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 👉 Click HERE for my workshop, Be the Calm in Your Child's Storm: How to Keep Your Cool When Your Child Loses Theirs, to get the exact therapeutic interventions I use with my patients that can change the way your brain and body interprets your child's dysregulation to help you stay cool in the heat of the moment. 👉 Want to get my research-backed framework for increasing cooperation and emotion regulation skills in your sensitive child? Check out Parenting by Design, my guided program to help you parent your unique child in a way that increases cooperation, defuses power struggles, and rebuilds their trust in your authority–all while supporting your child's mental health and your own. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 129. Q&A: How can I support my sensitive, "spicy," highly emotional child? 🎧 135. Q&A: What can I do when all the "rules" for setting limits don't work for my sensitive kid? 🎧 173. Q&A: Preventing burnout when you have a sensitive child

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about... Why sleep challenges often emerge around age 3 (Hint: developmental leaps, dropped naps, and growing imaginations all play a role). How to differentiate between bedtime battles, middle-of-the-night wake-ups, and nightmares—and why the strategies might look different for each. Practical ways to set limits and routines with confidence so kids feel safe and contained, rather than running the show. Special considerations for twins, including when it might make sense to separate them temporarily at night. How to care for yourself as a parent during exhausting phases, so you can show up with more calm and confidence. If bedtime has turned into a nightly struggle in your home, this episode offers validation, perspective, and concrete tools to help everyone get a little more rest. REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES: 😴 Struggling with toddler bedtime battles? Download my ✨FREE✨ Toddler Sleep Guide with 7 concrete strategies backed by peer-reviewed research and anecdotally tested in my own practice, that you can implement with your children today to turn your bedtime struggles into solutions. ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about getting your child to stay in their own bed with Eileen Henry 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about using your attachment relationship to help your toddler fall asleep with Eileen Henry 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about parenting multiples with Kristin Revere WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Family law attorney and certified divorce financial analyst Lisa Zeiderman joins me to talk about how parents can navigate separation, divorce, and custody decisions with clarity, confidence, and a focus on their child's well-being. Together we explore: The different legal pathways for separation and divorce (including mediation, collaborative law, and litigation) and how to determine which may be right for your family. Common dynamics that can make self-advocacy harder, such as power imbalances, high-conflict relationships, or emotional manipulation. What it means to "foster" a relationship between your child and their other parent—and why courts prioritize this. How to set your child up for emotional success, even when the co-parenting relationship is strained. Tangible behaviors that courts (and kids!) recognize as supporting healthy co-parenting. Ways to support your child's sense of voice and agency throughout the process—whether that's through therapy, routines, or even court-appointed advocates. Resources and recommendation of support systems and products that can help parents co-parent more effectively. Whether you're already in the thick of it or just starting to consider what the future may hold, this conversation offers guidance and grounding for navigating family transitions with thoughtfulness and care. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 https://lisazeiderman.com/ 📚 https://lisazeiderman.com/blog/ ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 👉 If you're currently in the midst of separation, moving forward after divorce, or adjusting to life post-split, Upshur Bren Psychology Group's weekly virtual Divorce Process Group for Women provides a safe space for women to process their emotions, gain support, and build strategies for moving forward. Visit https://upshurbren.com/group-womensdivorce or schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to learn more. 🔗 Our Family Wizard - The leading app for more peaceful co‑parenting CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 42. Busting divorce myths and breaking down the true affect it has on children: A conversation with Michelle Dempsey-Multack 🎧 322. Navigating divorce or separation through a family systems approach: Preventative steps to reduce the risk of insecure attachment with Una Archer 🎧 277. Q&A: Is "nesting" during a divorce better for your kids?

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about... Whether or not to address a racial slur your child heard in a song when you're not sure whether or not they picked up on it, and fear you may call attention to it unnecessarily. How to explain the difference between swearing and slurs, and the importance of giving kids context and language around both. Dr. Rebecca shares stories of how similar topics have come up in her own family and how she handled them with her kids. Why just saying "don't say it" can miss the mark for kids. The role of tone, timing, and developmental stage when introducing complex and sensitive topics. How to make it feel safe to make mistakes and learn from them ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about what to do when your child is swearing 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about bias, cultural identity, and diversity with Dr. Dana E. Crawford 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about parenting styles across cultures with Dr. Miguelina German WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Becoming a grandparent is a major shift and yet, it's rarely talked about in a way that honors the complexity of this role. In this episode, I'm joined by Carol Merle-Fishman to explore the emotional, psychological, and relational shifts that occur when someone becomes a grandparent and how this transition can impact the entire family system. Together we unpack: Why grandparenthood is actually a developmental stage of its own. How expectations, unspoken grief, and shifting identities can create tension or disconnection in relationships. Ways adult children can support their parents and in-laws through the grandparenting transition and how grandparents can honor and respect their children's wishes. How to set boundaries with empathy and clarity while nurturing strong multigenerational bonds. The importance of emotional reflection for grandparents navigating this new chapter of life. Whether you're preparing to become a grandparent, are already in this role, or are a parent looking to better understand and support the grandparents in your life, this episode will offer a compassionate and practical lens for navigating this powerful and often overlooked transition. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 https://carolmerlefishman.com/ 🎧 104. Becoming a grandparent: Embracing the complicated identity shifts that come when your baby has a baby with Carol Merle Fishman ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 👉🏻 Becoming a grandparent can bring up big emotions and big questions. Go to upshurbren.com/becomingagrandparent to download my free interactive workbook, Reflecting on Grandparenthood, to help you process the identity shifts, set healthy boundaries, and navigate this transition with clarity, compassion, and confidence. Or forward this episode along to the grandparents in your life. 🔗 https://www.morethangrand.com/ CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 89. Fostering deep and meaningful relationships: How to resolve conflict, prioritize our needs, and set appropriate boundaries with Dr. Rick Hanson 🎧 102. Breaking the cycle of insecure attachment: How to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with Dr. Miriam Steele 🎧 52. Setting boundaries with your parents and in-laws: Navigating family dynamics with Dr. Emily Upshur 🎧 279. Q&A: How can I maintain a relationship with my mom who has extremist political views?

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about... What to do if your child is assigned a teacher whose style may not seem like the best match. How to advocate for your child in a way that supports collaboration and avoids conflict. Why starting the school year with a proactive email to the teacher can set the tone for a strong partnership. The surprising benefits a strict or "old school" teacher might actually offer sensitive kids. How to prepare your child to advocate for themselves, build resilience, and navigate new classroom dynamics. What to do if things don't go as hoped—and how to intervene effectively if your child truly isn't thriving in the classroom. If you're feeling anxious about the upcoming school year and unsure how to support your child through a potentially tricky teacher match, this episode will help you feel more grounded, empowered, and ready to approach it with openness and confidence. REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES: 👉🏻 Do you have a sensitive child? Learn more about Parenting by Design, my guided program for increasing behavioral and emotional regulation in sensitive kids. 👉🏻 Learn more about how a one-time or short-term parenting coaching session at Upshur Bren Psychology Group can help you navigate back-to-school transitions, teacher mismatches, and other challenges. You can also schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to find the right support for your family's unique needs by going to upshurbren.com/calendar. ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about what it feels like to be a 10-year-old going back to school 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about why boys and girls need different things with Michael Gurian 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the myth of learning styles with Dr. Dan Willingham 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about what to do when your child refuses to go to school 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about the hidden dangers of an achievement centric approach with Jennifer Breheny Wallace WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!