The Work of Being Human

We're living in a society where we are enticed, tempted, and invited to sink into a subtle narcissism and take on a victim mindset, every single day. This is what the new mental health system is peddling: the notion that your situation is out of your control, your LIFE is out of your control, and the only way forward is to see yourself as a victim, passively accept help, or narcissistically see your pain as some kind of exceptional anomaly. The reality is: most of us are just living life on life's terms. And it's hard. This week we dive into the latest idea to hit the cultural landscape that turns personal accountability on its head (again). We're all supposed to act and think like victims, and this is supposed to win us mental health. It will not. This week, we talk about the subtle attack on our adulthood and how to not fall for the tricks.

Last Thursday, I had a difficult conversation with a family member that left me feeling sad, disappointed, and exhausted. After processing the experience with safe people in my support system, something was missing. It wasn't until I realized that a much younger version of me needed some healing attention that things started to feel like they were coming around to a resolution. The Inner Child is not a "sweet idea." It's not an imaginary playmate. And it's not psychobabble. The child we once were still resides inside each one of us, often in the form of our deepest needs. This week, we dive into inner child work as a healthy response to triggers. If we're going to learn how to love ourselves in a healthy way, we need to learn how to love who we were at every stage, not just who we are now. BIG SHOUT OUT to my listeners in Australia and Hungary! You are the top two nations listening besides the United States! Keep sharing this podcast! THANK YOU!!!

In the wake of the Nashville school shooting, we are understandably brought once again to the seemingly unanswerable question: what in the world drives people to do this? The common answer from armchair therapists everywhere is: "childhood trauma." No. That's not it. Many of us were traumatized, and we didn't become violent. So what is it? This week, we look at the real reason people turn to violence. Here's the bad news: our society is on a slow march to more and more violent crime if we don't stop this in its tracks. Here's the good news: we can stop this in its tracks. The choice is yours.

How do we really find rest? Is a good night's sleep? A massage? A quiet afternoon with a book? It's much simpler than that, but we can easily miss it. This week, we dive into the real path to finding rest and my own lessons learned in the past couple of weeks. I slipped into a pattern that needed to be stopped, and it got me thinking: do we over-complicate self-care? (We do.) Stunning in its simplicity, the best way to care for ourselves is as obvious as the breath in our bodies.

This week, we have a real treat for our listeners. A listener named "Kathy" wrote into the podcast asking for help with a specific issue, but it's an issue about which your favorite podcast host doesn't have a body of knowledge! So... I made a call. I just happened to have a friend who just happens to be an expert on this very issue, and she generously took the time to give her mind and heart to this audience. If you have ever struggled with body dissatisfaction (who hasn't?), body image issues, and/or an eating disorder, today is for you! And it's for Kathy - who is an inspiration to all of us. She's doing the work. She's asking questions. And she's showing us what a commitment to growth looks like. This week, my guest is Courtney Grimes. Courtney's therapy practice: https://www.mycollectivecare.com/ Courtney's nonprofit: https://renewedsupport.org/ Register for the Toolbox Workshop: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/516328722107 Buy the Toolbox: https://store.bookbaby.com/book/the-toolbox1 If you want to request a topic, email me at: thepodcast@vanessalondino.com

Did anyone see "Triangle of Sadness?" (Me neither.) This week, we're not focusing on the Oscar nominated film, but we ARE talking about the single biggest drama-producing, madness-inducing dynamic present in every single dysfunctional relationship. We're going to dive into the roles we get ourselves into that make our relationships feel like pinball machines, bouncing back and forth and never settling. And lastly, we're going to focus on how to STOP THE MADNESS and return to sanity once again. The triangle of madness is like the Bermuda Triangle; you can get lost in it. But not after today! After today's podcast, you'll have the map to get out and stay out of it for good. (And tune in for a respectable shout out to Generation X!) Register for the workshop here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/516328722107 Follow me on Instagram: @vanessathetherapist

This week we take a look at both the necessity and the process of developing self-compassion. Between self-knowledge, which is essential for mental health, and self-love, which is the goal of mental health, is self-compassion. This is the all-important middle step. This is where we learn that our pain matters and we begin to give ourselves what we've craved from others: loving attention. Without compassion, our pain gnaws at us. With compassion, we develop an internal respect that heals our deepest wounds. And also listen for an inspiring letter from a listener! (The self-compassion meditation starts at 29:51.) The Toolbox Workshop: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/516328722107 Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/

Now that life feels back to normal after the worldwide COVID pandemic, we look at where we are as a human race. Did we progress or regress over the last few years? Perhaps we can make the case for both, but in this episode I'm going to look at the pandemic that slipped under the radar and infected all of our minds: emotional reasoning. This dangerous relationship with our subjective reality - where we believe everything we feel - has eclipsed rational thought and rendered people more vulnerable to mental distress. We're seeing surges of mental illness like we never have before. This week, I tackle the complex cognitive distortion known as emotional reasoning and give the listener the tools you need to resist emotional manipulation and retain a sound mind.  Register for the Toolbox Workshop here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/516328722107 Follow me on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/

What are you made of? What qualities and decisions got you through your hardest times? The hardship we face in our lives has the ability to refine us into gold or define us as victims. When we focus on our struggles without noticing our strengths, we're only telling ourselves half the story. This week, we tackle the qualities in our humanity that allow us to overcome. We're going to look at grit: where passion meets perseverance. And we're going to unfold and discover the well of strength we all have within us to stay with our goals, overcome any obstacle, and truly thrive.

Shame is a painfully universal experience. Every living human being battles feelings of shame, thoughts of being inadequate, not measuring up, being "bad," weak, or inherently unlovable. It grows inside us from childhood. Every shaming word, every experience of failure, every moment of abuse (if there was abuse), and comparison with others drives home the message: "You're not good enough." Sometimes it's just, "You're not good." It's like a bubble in the middle of our lives, inflating without our knowledge and growing without pause. Until we put an end to it. This week we're going to take a pin to the bubble of shame! We've got to take it on. We don't have to live like this. So many of the qualities and experiences we shame ourselves for are simply normal parts of the human experience. It's time we stop hurting ourselves inwardly for merely being human.