The Work of Being Human

Here we are at the midway point of the year. How's it going? This week, we tackle one of the most overlooked but essential elements of a mentally stable life: your support system. No, it's not necessarily your brunch pals. It may not be your childhood friends. You support system is comprised of the people in your life who help you carry the weight. Everyone needs a support system, but most of us weren't taught how to build one. After listening to this episode, you'll know how. Toolbox Workshop info: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

Going to therapy isn't the magic bullet some would believe it to be. Successful therapy doesn't just identify mental and emotional distress, it seeks to resolve it through two distinct processes: insight and effort. This week, we unpack the two most important tasks of psychotherapy. We dive into what makes therapy a worthwhile investment and what makes it a waste of time. Most importantly, we look at the mechanics of transformation. It's not magical. There's a logic to it. Learn more about the Toolbox workshop: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

This week, we examine the most difficult layer of inner work and the powerful "domino effect" that doing this work has on our lives. Most will never do it. Most are content to live their lives on the surface of things. But for those who are brave enough to face their shadow, the greatest freedom and clarity awaits.

I posted this question on my Instagram story - "What's the worst advice you've ever received?" - and it sparked some serious feedback from y'all, so I decided to pick the best of the worst advice you sent me and talk about why the advice was so bad. Advice - both seeking it and requesting it - comes down to our relationship with authority, so this week we dive into Dr. Diana Baumrind's three styles of parental authority and how that shapes our relationship with authority figures in general. We go one step further and take a look at the interpersonal dynamics of power, and what kind of power we allow others to have over us.

In the annals of bad advice, this might be up there with the worst of the worst. Like telling an emotionally dysregulated person to "calm down," the words "get over it" have been said millions of times. You have to wonder... how many times have they worked? I'd bank on zero. If something is signficant enough to cause long term emotional distress, chances are it's not something we can just "get over." This week we unpack this bad advice - what it really means and, more importantly, how to actually process our wounded places. Instead of expecting us to propel our hearts OVER a wound, let's talking about getting THROUGH it. (Please bear with my frog voice! I'm still getting over laryngitis!)

Communication forms the basis for connection. The more skilled we are as communicators, the better our chances are at forming meaningful, lasting, and deepening connections. This week, we take a look at one major reason why communication breaks down: we don't know the difference between our thoughts and our feelings. Confusing these two important flows of information confounds our communication and makes emotional connection almost impossible. While we journey toward mental and emotional strength, we need to grasp this all-important concept and decide, starting now, we're going to be more precise and accurate as we communicate the contents of our inner world.

This week it's more personal. Rather than a deep dive into theory or the latest waste of time in the world of pop-psychology, I share an intimate lesson I've learned in the past year or so that solidified in my mind during a recent session. So many of us acclimated to harsh life conditions and we live our lives as if we're still fighting those battles. This week I introduce a different way of living. Away from our engrained trauma responses and survival skill sets and into a more peaceful, trusting, connected way of life. This is one I'm learning with you in real time.

This week, we take a deep look at the choice each and every one of us has if we want to grow more mentally and emotionally healthy: whether or not we choose to LEARN. We may want quick steps, a fast track toward feeling better, but I believe it's safe to say that anyone who's selling you quick and easy is making a buck off of your pain. The reality is: it takes a lifetime to become who we are. It takes a commitment to living and LEARNING to reach our potential as human beings and transcend the things that have weighed us down. There are no short cuts. This week, we face what it really takes.

It's not a subject we touch on frequently, but it's one we need to look at: the deep and lasting imprint of our family of origin, namely our parents. We lovingly and protectively resist attacking or blaming our parents for weaknesses and wounds, but in the effort to keep our family narrative unsullied, we fail to process our own experiences - good and bad - and our healing falters. This week, we address the very real and lasting impact and responsibility parents have with their children and why we need to keep talking about it.

This week, I chat with an old friend and new author, AnneMarie Anderson, as she walks us through the logic and passion of her new book, "Brain Sex." Slicing through the cultural confusion and social stigmas, AnneMarie breathes new life and common sense into a much needed conversation about sex. She invites us to address and readdress the topic of our sexuality with our bodies AND our brains. Be prepared to be challenged. Be prepared to have your assumptions shaken. This book is succinct and potent. Expect your conversations about sex to change. A lot.