The Work of Being Human

Of all of our relationships, this one looms the most important and telling. This singular relationship will affect every other relationship throughout our life span. Today, we dive into the dynamics and facets of this all-important relationship: the relationship we have with ourselves. This isn't selfish; it's self-love. We discuss the difference between the two and how to cultivate an authentic, growing, self-honoring relationship with ourselves. This brings us into an intimacy and depth with others like nothing else can.

The path of mental health, growth, and wellness is a tough one, for sure. It requires that we face ourselves and our lives with radical honesty and consistent courage. What stops us? What slows us down? This week, we look at the five most common roadblocks on the path of mental and emotional wellness and how to get around them. Everyone can trip and fall into these common potholes, but if we know they're there and understand them from the inside out, we have a much better chance at not getting into these mental health quagmires. We've got to be determined to get out of our own way.

Mental health is a process, not a static place or a destination. It's about connecting what we learned earlier in life with what we currently do. It's about increasing our knowledge of what humans need, what we needed, and then addressing how those needs are being met or stifled today. Much of "the work" of the journey of mental healthy is about connecting the dots, and the dots are (1) what we needed vs. what we got and (2) what we are doing today to meet our needs. Is it healthy? Unhealthy? The truth is that all behavior comes down to one motivating drive: we are trying to meet our needs. This week I explore what those needs are now, what they looked like in childhood, how we coped with the unmet needs, and how to make sense of all of that now as adults. We need to know what we needed AND we need to know ourselves - how we try and meet our needs. We need to connect the dots. *Disclaimer: This episode goes a little long! 

Some qualities stand the test of time. They're the human characteristics we point to when we see that some people stand out and seem to stand stronger and taller than others. But what does character have to do with mental health? Are virtues simply for the philosophers, poets, and sages? Or do we, every day people in pursuit of lives we can live with dignity and peace, need qualities that comprise character? Today we look at personal accountability. We need to ask ourselves what this means for us in our lives. It's time to face the connection that exists between our choices and our consequences. This is where we find our true power.

We have to admit it. It's universal. It's human. It's humbling. We all suffer the same sickness, and it's a pandemic. Our real problem is: FEAR. Instead of denying it, avoiding it, masking it, or suppressing it, let's try understanding it. Fear serves a normal, essential human function when it's warranted. When it's not, it literally changes our reality. Most importantly: we need to know the difference. This week, we'll gain understanding of its function and how we can differentiate between useful fear and perceived fear. Fear's effect on physiological and mental health is not small. Simply put: it's weakening us from the inside out. It's time to stop living afraid. We need to to face our fear. 

The most universal human desire is the desire for happiness, yet so many of us spend our days in such misery. We believe we'll find happiness in relationships, success, achievements, property, or wealth. We look ahead from milestone to milestone, goal to goal, and believe we'll be happy when we get _____. But it's elusive. We spend our lives chasing a carrot. One industry points us here, the churches point us there, and our hearts stay in the pursuit, not the pleasure of happiness. Today we're going to talk about what happiness is really all about, what's in our control, what's not, and how to engage the process of happiness, not pursue the outcome.

It's a question I hear often in therapy. "Am I crazy?" "I sound crazy, right?" Or just a statement of fact, "I know. I'm crazy." Labels don't serve those who seek mental and emotional health and wholeness. They're arbitrary names that doctors thought up to describe a cluster of symptoms, but they certainly don't heal, and I'm not quite sure they help. We'd do much better understanding ourselves than we do labeling ourselves. This week, I focus on an important part of mental health: the relationship you have with all of the parts of you. Yes, you read that correctly. There are many, many parts of you, and your relationship with each part contributes and determines the health of the whole person that you are. Let's talk about what psychotherapists call "parts work." Every single part of you arose from an experience that necessitated its presence, therefore every single part deserves your love, respect, and acceptance. This week, I'll make the case for exactly that.

The beloved Buddhist monk Ticht Naht Hanh said, “When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well.” For too long, professionals in medicine and the field of psychology have blamed depression on a chemical imbalance in the brain despite an absence of proof. This is essentially blaming the lettuce: blaming the brain of the person who suffers. The time has come, and we are already late: we need to start talking about depression differently, and that means talking about our environment as children, as adults, any unhealed and unresolved traumas, and the corresponding beliefs that may be limiting us from finding the joy we deserve. We need to start asking ourselves honestly: what are the reasons I'm not doing well - and be brave when facing those answers. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/what-causes-depression https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/debunking-two-chemical-imbalance-myths-again https://www.healthline.com/health/chemical-imbalance-in-the-brain#causes

It's a tough gig this "being a human being," isn't it? Our lives start out in a way that is totally out of our control, and yet that early imprint - called childhood - is what habituates our relationship patterns and expectations for the rest of our lives. If the imprint was healthy, we pursue health by and large. If the imprint was unhealthy, dysfunctional, or even traumatic, we live out these patterns unless or until something comes along to interrupt the negative cycles. How do we change the cycles? What do we do with our past? Can we really leave the past in the past? Listen to today's episode for instructions on how to walk down memory lane and heal the broken places along the way. Being a human being isn't just about unconsciously operating on autopilot. It's about being alive in every part of our lives, past and present.

We hear this word "authenticity" a lot, but what exactly is authenticity, and how do we cultivate it? Is it something we should just intuitively know, or is it learned? What are the implications for mental and emotional health? Today we'll explore how we can be supported on the path of authenticity or manipulated away from it. You'll learn what the biggest threat to authenticity is and three ways you can become more authentic today.  Authenticity, like integrity, is a non-negotiable, essential quality in a mentally and emotionally healthy person. We can't afford to get this one wrong.