The Work of Being Human

This week, we take a dive into the very nature of love itself. Love IS a feeling, but it's much more than that. Love is a way of relating to others in which we see them for who they are, not for what they do for us. When we see people this way, we can accept them, and this acceptance is love. The flip side of accepting people for exactly who they are means accepting that sometimes, they won't meet our needs. This means we have to grieve the ways our needs aren't met. This process of owning our needs, grieving what cannot be met, and accepting who others are is what matures us. This maturity leads us to greater peace.

Couples fight about the same things: kids, money, time, religion, sex, families/in-laws, and jealousy. What makes some couples successful and others break down in smoldering ruin? It can't be what we're fighting about. We're always fighting about the same things. It's something else... In this week's episode, we take a deeper look at the real reason we fight and why our fights separate us as they do. We need to understand how our egos are at the center of our conflicts and what to do about it. 

This week, we take a break from our usual format to address questions that you, my listeners and clients, have asked. Here are the questions: "How do I know if I'm growing?", "What is your favorite book on mental health?", "Which is your favorite episode of the podcast?", "How can I heal my relationship with my adult child?", "How can I get my spouse to go to therapy?", "How can I develop self-esteem?", "How and when should I get off medication?", "Why is it so hard to change?", and "What do I do with regret?" 

Core beliefs are the deep down, sometimes hidden, beliefs we have about ourselves. They are literally driving every decision we make in our lives because they form the basis for how we feel about ourselves, how we perceive ourselves in relation to others, and how we perceive ourselves in the world. Underneath every action and every reality we claim to live in are our core beliefs. Positive core beliefs result in people who live with endless possibilities for their lives. Negative core beliefs are extremely limiting. When they are negative, we have to fashion a life within the parameters of those beliefs. This week, we tackle how and when to challenge your core beliefs, and how to better position yourself to form beliefs that are congruent with the world at large, not just the environment in which you were raised.

It took time for us to develop our coping mechanisms and turn them into habits. It took time for us to figure out how to hide ourselves from the world and still function in plain sight. It took time to create false belief systems that would protect us from the pain of others' abandonment, neglect, or cruelty. All of this took time. And it takes time to undo it. This week, we explore the time it takes - realistically - to heal and grow. Too often, we're way too hard on ourselves, putting unrealistic and impossible expectations on ourselves and others when what we need to develop instead are patience and acceptance. We need to reset our clocks on how we expect to move through our growth process. And you'll also learn some cool, new facts about plants!

Mirroring - the act of reflecting back another person - begins in infancy and lasts throughout the life span. We need accurate, loving mirroring as long as we're alive. This week we look at the various mirrors in our lives, starting in childhood. How did our parents mirror us? Was their reflection of who we are accurate? Like a house of mirrors in a carnival or funhouse, some reflections of us are wildly distorted and confuse us. Every relationship in your life is a mirror. You will be seen and reflected through the eyes of another. If their eyes are full of love, healing, light, and compassion, they will reflect back your beauty, strength, and worth. If their eyes are darkened by pain, trauma, and harm, your reflection will be distorted through that lens. Share this podcast with someone who mirrors your beauty and goodness!

Are you exhausted? Do you feel disrespected? Disempowered? Do you consistently give more than you get in your relationships? Do they feel out of balance? If the answer to any of these questions is "yes," it's time to look at our boundaries. Boundaries are the relational tool we use to identify, preserve, and maintain our individuality and unique self. Boundaries are how we say yes and no in relationships, and if we feel we can only say yes and never no, we are in a fear state. We know we want and need relationships that satisfy us, but in order to have those kinds of healthy relationships, we need to feel safe, which means being safe to say no. This week, we dive into boundaries: why we need them, how to set them, what kinds of relationships uphold boundaries, and which challenge them in an unhealthy way. 

This week, we take a deeper look at the False Self, the Authentic Self, and the True Self. Authenticity is the path from False Self to True. Authenticity is what gives value to our relationships, but we are conditioned to act in ways that value appearance over substance. We are often content to appear as something rather than do the work to be the thing. The effect on our mental and emotional health is splintering. We have to ignore or deny parts of us to serve our need for approval. We have to ignore our thoughts and feelings in order to "act" or "perform" the part. Mental and emotional wholeness stem from an ever-increasing process toward authenticity in our lives. When we value substance over appearance, we become more authentic, and more authentic means more emotionally whole.

THIS. IS. YOUR. LIFE. Today we explore what it means to live a vitalized life and why we numb out. It all comes down to how we process our own pain. If we cannot or will not feel our pain, we are easily controlled and manipulated by those who promise to take our pain away. Living vitalized means we are feeling all emotion, thinking critically, and actively engaged in the direction of our own lives. It's time we stop numbing out and come back to life! This week, we discuss how.

When we aren't in denial, our eyes are open and we can see the signs all around us. Our attention to these signs - physical and relational - helps us to direct our lives with intention and care. Ignoring the signs usually means we learn lessons the hard way. In today's podcast, we examine everything from the signs we are in a codependent relationship to the signs that we are truly loved. You'll finish this episode feeling more empowered, more aware, and more savvy. Our ability to read the signs around us means we don't waste our time convincing ourselves of what we want to believe. We are smarter than that. We can see what's happening and live awake and empowered. Don't miss the signs!