The Work of Being Human

In this episode, I sit down with David Lea, a trauma-informed polarity coach, to explore how childhood experiences shape identity, relationships, and healing. While we find common ground around personal responsibility and the lasting impact of early life, the conversation quickly moves into deeper—and more consequential—territory. David’s framework centers on the idea that all suffering is rooted in unprocessed childhood wounds and that individuals are ultimately responsible for everything they experience. I challenge that view, arguing that while personal accountability is essential, there are realities we encounter in life that we did not choose and cannot fully control. From the nature of trauma to the question of whether evil exists beyond the self, this conversation reveals two fundamentally different ways of understanding human suffering—and what it actually means to heal.Learn more: www.vanessabentley.coFollow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/Follow the show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theworkofbeinghuman/Learn more about David Lea: https://www.daring-deeply.com/

We all know celebrity culture is a little ridiculous… but have you ever stopped to ask why we’re so drawn to it? Why we admire celebrities, follow their lives, and sometimes even love to hate them? In this episode, in the wake of the Oscars and "awards season" in general, I explore the deeper psychology behind our fascination with the "rich and famous" — why human beings have always looked “up” to gods, heroes, and icons, and how that same instinct is playing out today in celebrity culture. The problem? The people we elevate shape what we believe is possible and even who we are—and when those models are built on illusion rather than substance, it subtly impacts our identity, our attention, and our mental health. This is an episode about modeling, meaning, and the question we’re all answering, whether we realize it or not: who is worthy of our attention?To send me an email with show ideas or requests: contact@vanessabentley.coFollow me on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/The original Bobo Doll experiment (in full): https://youtu.be/dmBqwWlJg8U?si=S6hY1d1oldSkCOBX

Why do we act in ways we later regret? In this episode, I explore the psychology and neuroscience of impulsivity — why human beings often act before they think, and how those split-second decisions can shape the entire trajectory of a life. We’ll look at: the brain systems involved in impulse controlthe role trauma and emotional conditioning can play in impulsive behaviorand why so many people find themselves trapped in cycles of regret. But we’ll also talk about how real change happens — from practical tools that help create space between urge and action, to the deeper transformation that occurs when our identity is grounded in something larger than impulse. This episode is about learning how to move from reaction to reflection, and ultimately from impulse to wisdom.Email me: contact@vanessabentley.coFollow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/

Not all depression looks like sadness.Sometimes it looks like success.Productivity.Responsibility.Strength.In this episode, we explore the hidden face of depression—the high-functioning person who never stops moving because slowing down would mean facing what has been buried for years.Why do some people outrun their own grief?What happens when achievement becomes a defense against pain?And why might depression actually be trying to protect us?If you’ve ever felt like you had to stay strong no matter what… this conversation is for you.

The Epstein Files have reopened a question most of us would rather not ask: How do people slide into this kind of evil? Your outrage is sane—but outrage alone won’t help us understand how power, access, secrecy, and rationalization can slowly dismantle a human conscience, in individuals and in systems. In this episode, we trace the psychological mechanics of moral collapse—from small compromises to full-blown corruption—using Epstein’s rise, the protection of corrupt communities, and Shakespeare’s Macbeth as mirrors. This isn’t about spectacle. It’s about clarity, accountability, and the uncomfortable truth that the line between good and evil runs through the human heart. If you want to understand how this happens—and what integrity, justice, and courage require of us now—this episode is for you.

Dr. Chloe Carmichael is a psychologist and best selling author of "Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety. " This week she joins The Work of Being Human to discuss her new book -- "Can I Say That? Why Free Speech Matters and How to Use it Fearlessly." We dive into topics that matter today: What constitutes free speech and what does not. Why free speech is not only essential for individual mental health but for a mentally thriving community. Practical lessons on how we can improve our communication and listening skills. This week is not to be missed if you need validation or affirmation that your voice matters. Simply because it's yours.Buy "Can I Say That?" https://www.amazon.com/Can-Say-That-Matters-Fearlessly/dp/151078490X?crid=166QIZZQTY60B&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.995VBdQCkilutA-gOCY_FSvZBcouBrMtNMiQbAIbKQfGjHj071QN20LucGBJIEps.C76UKBgvEHn1D9b6xWwvRvaD6myRTxO9ksoEx6xj6K8&dib_tag=se&keywords=carmichael+can+i+say+that&qid=1743424788&s=books&sprefix=carmichael+can+i+say+that%2Cstripbooks%2C105&sr=1-1&linkCode=ll1&tag=ivba-20&linkId=d70a784201ad5aff3e5e7638b8b6b095&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tlLearn more about Chloe https://www.drchloe.com/

Judith Belmont is a veteran therapist, a mental health coach, and the prolific author of 11 books on mental health. Her message is simple: make sure your thoughts are rational. In this episode of the Work of Being Human, Judith guides us through the basics of cognitive behavioral therapy and discusses how our thoughts can easily lead us astray. Irrational thoughts become unwanted emotions and unwanted emotions contribute to problematic behaviors. You'll learn how to catch cognitive distortions before they take root and become destructive thought patterns. She expertly teaches "short cuts" you can use to train your brain to think rationally leading to a more optimistic, grounded approach to living. Click these links to connect with Judith:Judith's website: www.belmontwellness.comJudith's Amazon page: https://www.amazon.com/stores/Judith-A.-Belmont/author/B004CRN10I?ref=ap_rdr&shoppingPortalEnabled=true&ccs_id=144bdc96-4630-4ce2-bcd7-f97d5b1b295c

Most of us say we want peace—but what we’re really longing for is a regulated nervous system. In this episode of The Work of Being Human, we explore what’s actually happening beneath our anxiety, reactivity, numbness, and exhaustion, and why so many of us feel worse—not better—when life finally gets quiet. Through a personal story of silence, stillness, and unexpected internal chaos, I unpack how the nervous system’s primary question is not “Am I happy?” but “Am I safe?” You’ll learn the difference between real and perceived threat, why peace requires space, how we unknowingly become unsafe for ourselves, and what it truly means to cultivate safety—both internally and in our relationships. This is not about mastering techniques, but about understanding your body, facing reality with compassion, and beginning the slow, brave work of becoming someone you can finally rest with.

We’ve heard it and said it: “I had a happy childhood.” What does this really mean? This week we explore the importance of childhood, what NEEDS to happen in childhood that will lead to a healthy adulthood, and how the goal of happiness can actually stunt our growth. Topics we cover in this episode: - trauma and reducing the harmful effects of a traumatic experience - how identity is achieved - what impedes the development of a healthy, authentic identity in childhood and adolescence - what role the full range of emotions play in our experience of joyThanks for listening, and if you like it, share it!

Has therapy become our religion? In this winter episode of The Work of Being Human, I explore what happens when a deeply good and necessary tool is asked to carry weight it was never meant to bear. Using winter as a metaphor for inward attention, stillness, and self-knowledge, I reflect on my own psycho-spiritual journey and the powerful role therapy played in my healing. Drawing from psychology, attachment theory, and meaning-making research, this episode examines humans as orienting beings—creatures who must organize their lives around something ultimate. Therapy offers compassion, clarity, and relational repair, but it cannot provide meaning, purpose, or wholeness. When we ask it to, it quietly becomes sacralized. This episode is not an argument against therapy, but an invitation to place it where it belongs: as a vital support for facing reality, healing wounds, and preparing the ground for life—while leaving space to reach beyond the self for what the human heart ultimately longs for.Send me your reactions: contact@vanessabentley.co