Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

My guest is Kayce Stevens Hughlett, a psychotherapist, life coach, spiritual director, and speaker, and the author of three books. Kayce and I have been friends for many years, and she was a compassionate listener and empathetic friend as I was going through some of my most challenging years with Asher. At the time, Kayce was a few years ahead in her journey with her own differently wired son, who was in his early twenties.I wanted to bring Kayce onto the show to talk about what she and her family went through when her son, as a young teen with an ADHD diagnosis, got involved with drugs. I know that this is a possibility many parents with atypical kids fear, and in fact some listeners may be in this very situation today. Hearing Kayce tell her story and share how she not only got through it, but how her family emerged on the other side more engaged and connected, is incredibly powerful. I hope you find her story as inspiring as I do. Kayce Stevens Hughlett started her writing career as a blogger in the early 2000’s and found her voice as a contributor to several collections and online publications. Now she is the author of three varied yet beautifully intertwined and popular books. Her 2012 nonfiction book, As I Lay Pondering: Daily Invitations To Live a Transformed Life, is a lyrical and lucid treasure that invites readers to new awakenings throughout the year. Blue: a novel, an award-winning study of three women in the Pacific Northwest, released September 10, 2015. Her journey memoir, SoulStroller: experiencing the weight, whispers, & wings of the world, was published in November 2018.  Things you’ll learn from this episode Kayce’s story of being the mom of “that kid” in a time when being differently wired was less acceptable The importance of listening to our gut in conjunction with “experts” Why we want to always choose from a place of love (and not fear) when making parenting decisions The power of community to get through difficult times with our children Why Kayce says that parenting Jonathan through their challenges saved her life  Resources mentioned for ADHD and drug use Kayce Stevens Hughlett’s website SoulStroller: Experiencing the Weight, Whispers, & Wings of the World by Kayce Stevens Hughlett Blue: A Novel by Kayce Stevens Hughlett As I Lay Pondering: Daily Invitations To Live a Transformed Life by Kayce Stevens Hughlett Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The neuropsych assessment process can be daunting and complicated to navigate, especially in recent years as a result of COVID,  so I’m excited to share my conversation with pediatric and adolescent young adult neuropsychologist, Dr. Jonine Nazar-Biesman. Jonine’s work is about taking into consideration the whole child and the big picture when assessments are being done. In this episode, we talk about what parents should think about when vetting psychologists to assess their child, the difference between a neuropsych, a psychoeducational, and a psychological assessment, and how parents can navigate getting a better assessment if they believe their child got the wrong diagnosis. We also talked about what to do with all the feedback parents get from an evaluation and how that feedback can best be relayed to our kids, and to their schools.Dr. Jonine Nazar-Biesman has over 25 years of experience specializing in assessing and treating children, adolescents, and young adults with neurodevelopmental disorders such as Autism, ADHD, learning differences, and genetic conditions. She works closely with families, treatment teams, schools, and the community to ameliorate social-emotional, behavioral, and educational challenges.  Things you'll learn from this episode What parents should think about when looking for someone to do an assessment for their child, as well as tips for vetting evaluators The difference between a neuropsych, a psychoeducational, and a psychological assessment How Jonine works with students and adjusts the evaluation process during the assessment in response to what she’s discovering How parents can navigate getting a better assessment if they believe their child got the wrong diagnosis Whether or not a neuropsych evaluation would benefit every neurodivergent child How feedback is ideally shared with parents, kids, and schools after an assessment has been completed How the COVID pandemic has impacted the assessment process How parents can best use the detailed feedback they receive as part of the neuropsych evaluation process Resources Mentioned Jonine Nazar-Biesman’s website Jonine Nazar-Biesman’s blog Bridges Academy DIR/Floortime Model  For more info, visit: https://www.tiltparenting.com/session299Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest this week is Steve Silberman, an award-winning science writer who authored the 2015 book NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity, a brilliant book that upends conventional thinking about autism and suggests a broader model for acceptance, understanding, and full participation in society for people who think differently. In our conversation, Steve and I talk about neurodivergence, autism, acceptance, tolerance, changing cultures, systemic change, and so much more.  Steve Silberman is an award-winning science writer whose articles have appeared in Wired, the New York Times, the New Yorker, the Financial Times, the Boston Globe, the MIT Technology Review, and more.and the author of NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity (Avery 2015), which Oliver Sacks called a “sweeping and penetrating history…presented with a rare sympathy and sensitivity.” In April 2016, Silberman gave the keynote speech at the United Nations for World Autism Awareness Day. He has given talks on the history of autism at Yale, Harvard, MIT, Oxford, the National Academy of Sciences, Queen Mary University, Apple, Microsoft, Google, the 92nd Street Y, Imperial College London, the MIND Institute at UC Davis, and many other major institutions. His TED talk, “The Forgotten History of Autism,” has been viewed more than a million times and translated into 25 languages. Things you’ll learn from this episode The impetus for Steve’s book NeuroTribes How and why the anti-vaccine movement has negatively affected the autistic community The real impact of language like “epidemic” in relation to neurodifferences like autism How Steve’s book NeuroTribes has been received by members of the autistic community Steve’s thoughts on how parents raising neurodiverse kids can best support the neurodiversity movement The importance of autistic peer mentoring  Resources mentioned for Steve Silberman, autism, and neurodiversity Steve Silberman’s website NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity by Steve Silberman Steve Silberman’s TED Talk The Geek Syndrome (Steve’s article in Wired Magazine, 12/01/01) Autreat The Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism The Real Experts: Readings for Parents of Autistic Children Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Parenting a differently wired child can be challenging and as I sat down with my guest, clinical social worker Pat Harvey, to have this conversation, I wanted to acknowledge and validate the experiences we have as parents as much as we do the same for our kids. As you’ll hear from Pat, her work centers around helping parents navigate raising kids who have highly intense emotions …the kind of emotions that can cause big disruptions at home. In this conversation, Pat talks about her book Parenting a Teen Who has Intense Emotions, how she supports families using Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT, the three priorities within the DBT framework, some of the critical things to understand to effectively parent emotionally intense kids, and where to start if you are looking for more support for yourself. Pat Harvey, LCSW-C, ACSW, has been a clinical social worker for one 30 years, currently focusing on supporting and guiding parents of kids with emotional challenges using a DBT framework. The co-author of 2 books on parenting, Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions and Parenting a Teen Who has Intense Emotions, a book for siblings and a book for clinicians, she has also spoken nationally and in Canada about DBT and about working with parents.Things you'll learn from this episode: The similarities and differences between cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) How DBT prioritizes the three core tenets of safety, treatment, and quality of life Why is DBT so effective in helping teens who are engaging in risky behaviors, including self-harm, suicidal ideation, or past suicide attempts Critical things to be aware of in order to effectively parent emotionally intense kids The biggest roadblock for parents that prevent them from leaning into DBT Where to start and the things to pay attention to if you are parenting an emotionally intense kid  Resources mentioned for DBT & Parenting Emotionally Intense Teens: Pat Harvey’s website Parenting a Teen Who has Intense Emotions: DBT Skills to Help Your Teen Navigate Emotional and Behavioral Challenges by Pat Harvey and Britt Rathbone Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions: Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Help Your Child Regulate Emotional Outbursts and Aggressive Behaviors by Pat Harvey and Jeanine Penzo Hey, I'm Here Too!: A Book for Tween/Teen Siblings of a Young Person With Emotional Issues by Pat Harvey  For more info, visit: https://www.tiltparenting.com/session298Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest Scott Barry Kaufman PhD, a psychologist, author, and podcaster who is passionate about changing, or perhaps expanding, the way intelligence is defined and measured. In our conversation, we talk about his ideas about intelligence, potential, and what it actually takes for our children to develop into self-actualized adults.  Scott is a cognitive scientist and humanistic psychologist exploring the mind, creativity, and the depths of human potential. He is a professor at Columbia University and founder and director of the Center for the Science of Human Potential. Dr. Kaufman received a B.S. in psychology and human computer interaction from Carnegie Mellon, an M. Phil in experimental psychology from the University of Cambridge under a Gates Cambridge Scholarship, and a Ph.D. in cognitive psychology from Yale University. He is also an Honorary Principal Fellow at the University of Melbourne’s Centre for Wellbeing Science.Dr. Kaufman hosts the The Psychology Podcast, and his writing has appeared in The Atlantic, Scientific American, Psychology Today, and Harvard Business Review. He is the author and editor of 9 books, including his latest book Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization. Things you’ll learn from this episode Why Scott believes traditional markers of intelligence are missing the mark The problem with assessing for “labels” instead a child’s highest strengths Scott’s thoughts on how we can create a better educational model Why potential in our children is a “moving target” How gifted education as a construct has a “fixed mindset” Scott’s ideas for expanding the definition of intelligence through a multiple manifestations of intelligence lens Why we should focus on self-actualization as opposed to excellence What qualities we should be helping our children develop to become self-actualized  Resources mentioned for redefining giftedness Scott Barry Kaufman’s website Scott at Scientific American Magazine Scott’s podcast, The Psychology Podcast Ungifted: Intelligence Redefined by Scott Barry Kaufman Wired to Create: Unraveling the Mysteries of the Creative Mind by Scott Barry Kaufman Twice Exceptional: Supporting and Educating Bright and Creative Students with Learning Difficulties by Scott Barry Kaufman Scott’s TEDxZumbroRiver Talk: A New Theory of Hum Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this conversation with Jennifer Natalya Fink, we explore the nuances of her fascinating new book, All Our Families: Disability Lineage and the Future of Kinship. The premise of Jennifer’s book is that disability is often described as a tragedy, a crisis, or an aberration, even though more than 1 in 5 people worldwide have a disability. She wanted to explore the question: Why is this common human experience rendered exceptional? Instead, Jennifer is advocating for a reclamation of disability as a history, a culture, and an identity. She is pushing for a world where families see disability in the context of a collective sense of belonging, as cause for celebration, and is a call for a radical reimagining of carework and kinship. We went deep into this idea of a disability lineage, and Jennifer shared what’s at stake if we don’t know and claim our family history. We also discussed why getting a disability diagnosis can be traumatic for families and how it’s accentuated by how our society thinks about disability. Lastly, Jennifer shared her thoughts on making the care system more equitable by embracing disability as a collective experience rather than something individual families have to deal with. ***Jennifer Natalya Fink is director of the Program in Disability Studies and a professor of English at Georgetown University. She is the author of 6 books and founder of the Gorilla Press, a nonprofit promoting youth literacy through bookmaking. Fink is the winner of the Dana Award for the Novel and the Catherine Doctorow Prize for Innovative Fiction, as well as a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award. First and foremost, she is a mother; the transformative experience of parenting her autistic daughter is the center of her work. Things you’ll learn from this episode How Jennifer’s own family story led her to be interested in researching disability and disability lineage What a disability lineage is Why getting a disability diagnosis can be traumatic for families and how it’s accentuated by our society’s views of disability The importance of understanding that care and disability are woven into the human experience What we are losing out on by not knowing our family disability history as families raising differently wired kids How even good-intentioned comments can feed ableist beliefs How we can work to make the care system more equitable, including seeing disability as a collective experience rather than something families must face on an individual basis  Resources mentioned for Disability Lineage — What It Is and How it Impacts Families All Our Families: Disability Lineage and the Future of Kinship Jennifer Natayla Fink’s website Jennifer on Instagram Disability Studies at Georgetown University Mia Mingus For more info, visit: https://www.tiltparenting.com/session297Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest is Anders Ronnau, a master coach, hypnotherapist, trainer, and writer, and the ADHD coach behind the Transforming ADHD Movement. Anders is the leading ADHD coach in Denmark, and for the past seven years has been teaching both parenting programs and been an ADHD coach trainer. He recently launched his online community and business, Transforming ADHD.Anders has a unique approach to working with his clients, who are anywhere from six years old to adults, and I was really intrigued to learn more about his work and find out what its implications are for our children. His focus is on development his client’s cognitive skills and behaviors to help them be better at managing their time, focus, and temperament, as well as rebuilding their self-worth.Things you’ll learn from this episode A look at whether or not positive behavior systems work in the long-term for kids with ADHD How to gain access to the inner world of a child How “externalization” helps change behavior and leads to transforming ADHD Why a differently-wired person’s inner negative self-talk is their biggest hurdle as they get older Ander’s tips for things parents can do at home to help their kids How the magic question—What were you trying to do?—allows us to reach out with curiosity instead of blame or anger  Resources mentioned for transforming ADHD Transforming ADHD (Ander’s website) Special TiLT page on Transforming ADHD Transforming ADHD on Facebook Transforming ADHD YouTube Channel  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week I'm talking about nonverbal learning disorder, also known as NLD or NVLD, with Dr. Marcia Eckerd. I learned so much from this conversation, including what NVLD actually is, examples of how it might show up in kids, and why it’s important to recognize if your child has NLD instead of thinking their behavior is the result of something else like ADHD or social anxiety. Marcia also shared how she works with families making sure the child’s self-esteem is taken into account and not making them feel they are less than others because they process things differently. Marcia Eckerd, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist with over 30 years’ experience. As a therapist and provider of neuropsychological evaluations, she identified and worked with many children with Non-Verbal Learning Disability. She serves on the CT Autism Spectrum Disorder Advisory Council and the professional advisory boards of SmartKidsWithLD and NeuroClastic.com, a nonprofit providing creative educational resources on autism. She has a regular blog on Psychology Today, “Everyday Neurodiversity” as well as writing professional articles on autism and articles for multiple websites and magazines on NVLD, autism, evaluations and executive functions, such as SmartKidsWithLD.org, Autism Parenting Magazine and Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism. She’s spoken extensively on NVLD and autism in national conferences for educators, clinical professionals and parents.A former Director of Clinical Programs at the New Learning Therapy Center, she also helped establish the Norwalk Hospital-Yale collaboration Pediatric Development and Therapy Center. She continues to be on the Associate Medical Staff at Norwalk Hospital.Things you’ll learn from this episode How Marcia describes her work of being a “translator” between individuals with NVLD and the world around them What nonverbal learning disorder is and how it might show up in kids Why it’s so important to distinguish NVLD from things like autism, ADHD, or social anxiety Why prioritizing our kids’ self-esteem is so critical Why kids with NVLD might struggle when they get to middle school as their social and school life start to change The different executive functions that can be worked on alongside NVLD depending on what your child needs help with How to support your child with NVLD and the kind of support parents can look for  Resources mentioned for What is Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) Dr. Marcia Eckerd’s website Dr. Marcia’s blog on Psychology Today Are We Giving Autistic Children PTSD at School?  DSM / Social Communication Disorder Autism Level Up Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a deep dive into the world of gifted and 2e children, with Dr. Mike Postma, a writer, consultant and presenter specializing in the education and well-being of twice exceptional and intellectually gifted students and their families. Mike is also the Executive Director of SENG, which stands for Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted, an organization whose mission it is to empower families and communities to guide gifted and talented individuals to reach their goals: intellectually, physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually, as well as the author of the new book, The Inconvenient Student: Critical Issues in the Identification and Education of Twice-Exceptional Students.Mike and I talked about the challenges facing gifted and 2e / twice-exceptional students, especially social and emotional challenges, and this is one of those episodes that just might leave you feeling pensive, concerned, and ignited all at the same time. Dr. Michael Postma is an educator, author, speaker, coach and consultant dedicated to the holistic development of the gifted/twice-exceptional (2e) community. Over the last two decades, Dr. Postma has served as a gifted teacher in the classroom, as an administrator and leader of gifted schools – both public and charter schools in multiple states, and was the architect of the Minnetonka Navigator Program, a magnet school in Minnesota specifically designed for highly gifted and twice-exceptional students. He currently is the President and co-founder of Gifted and Thriving, LLC .Things you’ll learn from this episode Mike Postma’s personal story of growing up a gifted and 2e kid with very little support What “holistic development” means in the context of 2e children Why Mike says social emotional development has to be one of the foundations for academic and intellectual potential Where society is with regards to understanding asynchronous development How schools can make small accommodations to make school more successful for gifted and 2e students Mike thoughts on how the educational system needs to be revamped Why Mike says 2e people are among the most vulnerable populations  Resources mentioned for Dr. Mike Postma & Gifted and 2e Kids Dr. Michael Postma’s website, Gifted Matters SENG (Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted) SENG Online Support Group Listings The Inconvenient Student: Critical Issues in the Identification and Education of Twice-Exceptional Studentsby Dr. Michael Postma Dr. Devon MacEachron on Supporting 2e Learners (podcast episode) The Search for Shangri-La: Finding the Appropriate Educational Enviro Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest for this conversation is Dr. Gwen Palafox, a psychologist who has been supporting disabled and neurodivergent young adults in the transition to adulthood for more than twenty years. I brought Gwen on the show to talk about helping our teens and young adults “launch” into adulthood, specifically how to prepare for and help them acquire the skills and support that would help them move into the version of independent living that’s right for them. In our conversation, we looked at some of the common challenges neurodivergent teens face in the transition to adulthood, how we can navigate systems and conversations with our kids to help them feel empowered and capable and have agency, and how to respond to our own concerns and fears about what comes next. Dr. Gwen Palafox is a licensed psychologist who has been actively (and obsessively) supporting disabled and neurodivergent individuals for over two decades. She’s known to be laser-focused on taking the guesswork out of adult preparedness, helping teens and young adults find their most fulfilled and joyful lives. She is honored to be a part of the lives of her wonderfully complex, unique, and awesome clients and their families.  Things you’ll learn from this episode The underlying philosophy for the way Gwen supports young adults The critical skills neurodivergent young adults need in order to launch successfully Examples of replacing automated support aids with self-management systems as a way to gain independence The power in engaging teens in small, daily chores as a way to shift responsibility and build skills How parents can support teens who are feeling scared and anxious about leaving home, especially in times of Covid The common challenges neurodivergent teens face when transitioning into adulthood How Gwen’s Bright Life System helps pinpoint the skills teens need to work on before leaving the school system  Resources mentioned for a Neurodivergent Transition to Adulthood Dr. Gwen’s Meaningful Growth website Dr. Gwen’s YouTube Channel Dr. Gwen on Instagram Devon Price on Instagram The Bright Life System (use code TILT15 to get a 15 percent discount off this course) The Help Group (Sherman Oaks) Adulting Made Easy: Things Someone Should Have Told You About Getting Your Grown-Up Act Together by Amanda Morin SEL Framework For more info, visit: https://www.tiltparenting.com/session295Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices