Pillow Talks
Vanessa & Xander Marin
Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!
Episodes
Mentioned books
Mar 26, 2026 • 1h 7min
E253: Ask A Sex Therapist: dry spells, sex pillows, and morning sex
They answer real listener questions about sex pillows — shapes, pros, cons, and whether they’re worth the space. They talk about dry spells: what counts as normal and when to take action. Morning sex mismatches, low-energy intimacy, lingerie awkwardness, and how to suggest resources to a reluctant partner all come up in short, practical conversations.
Mar 19, 2026 • 52min
E252: Don’t Give Your Kids “The Talk” (do this instead)
They challenge the idea of one big “talk” and promote short, ongoing conversations instead. They cover research showing talking lowers risky behavior and shame. They explain how to define family values, the five core conversations parents should have, and when to start. Practical scripts, age-based guidance, and handling surprise questions are offered.
Mar 12, 2026 • 1h 6min
E251: What’s Your Desire Type? Our NEW Framework for Understanding What You and Your Partner Really Want
They introduce a four-type framework that explains why desire shows up in different ways. You’ll hear about brain-first versus body-first desire and whether people want intimacy before or after emotional connection. The hosts map the four Desire Types, give quick ways to identify yours, and offer practical prompts to help partners talk about mismatched desire without blame.
Mar 5, 2026 • 1h 3min
E250: What Do Men Really Think About…? Part 4 (Heated Rivalry, mental load + areolas)
They dig into Heated Rivalry and how men react to seeing gay sex on screen. Bathroom habits and why men take long breaks get candid explanations. The conversation tackles mental load, sharing chores, and how income roles affect relationships. They also explore couch-potato style, sexual dynamics like submissiveness, hygiene expectations, and what men actually notice about breasts.
10 snips
Feb 26, 2026 • 48min
E249: Help! I can’t orgasm with my partner. What do I do?
A frank conversation about why many women don’t orgasm in partnered sex and the hidden coping strategies people use. Personal stories reveal how faking, silence, and minimizing needs damage desire and connection. Practical talk on why vague advice fails and how specific techniques and communication can shift sexual confidence and pleasure.
41 snips
Feb 19, 2026 • 56min
E248: How to Talk About Sex With Your Partner (Without Making It Weird)
They explore why couples wait too long to talk about sex and how that backfires. They share low-pressure ways to start conversations, like compliments, reminiscing, and playful prompts. They offer sneaky starters—texts, TV scenes, or joking attributions—to make talks feel lighter. They stress consistency, simple post-sex recaps, and patience while partners get comfortable.
Feb 12, 2026 • 53min
E247: Our Recent Foreplay Discoveries (and how to explore more)
They share recent bedroom experiments that nudged curiosity and connection. Small, low-pressure changes and playful routines get spotlighted. Practical tips include role nights, using a pillow for better angles, and simple finger techniques. The conversation normalizes awkwardness and focuses on making exploration ongoing and fun.
Feb 5, 2026 • 1h 3min
E246: How To Stay Connected When The World Feels Like It’s Burning
They explore how constant distressing news hijacks the nervous system and shrinks desire. They explain fight, flight, and freeze reactions and why stress biologically lowers libido. They discuss how touch and co-regulation can soothe the body and practical rituals to stay emotionally available. They offer ways to set media boundaries, build simple shared pleasures, and make intimacy a source of resilience.
Jan 29, 2026 • 1h 3min
E245: What It’s Really Like to Start TRT: Xander’s Testosterone Journey
A personal testosterone journey that covers why low energy became impossible to ignore and how sobriety revealed a new baseline. They walk through functional medicine testing, confusing “normal” ranges, and lifestyle tweaks that fell short. Treatment paths are compared—creams, Clomid, injections—and the realities of injections, costs, fertility risks, and mood and body changes are discussed.
29 snips
Jan 22, 2026 • 49min
E244: How To Schedule Sex (our hot take)
Scheduling sex might sound unromantic, but it can actually enhance intimacy. The hosts bust myths around spontaneity and explain how planning can reduce anxiety and boost excitement. They delve into the benefits of setting special nights, building anticipation, and taking turns in leading the plans. Discover how prioritizing earlier in the evening can invigorate your love life and why scheduling doesn't stifle spontaneity but can create more of it. It's all about making intimacy feel intentional and fun!
