Pillow Talks
Vanessa & Xander Marin
Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!
Episodes
Mentioned books
May 7, 2026 • 1h 4min
E259: Sex and Intimacy After Kids: What Actually Works (From Parents Who've Figured It Out)
Real parents share practical, doable tactics for keeping intimacy alive after kids. They talk scheduling sex, tiny emotional rituals, timing hacks around bedtime, and privacy solutions that actually work. Listeners hear how to prevent resentment, create quick transition rituals, and make nonsexual touch a nightly habit.
Apr 30, 2026 • 1h 5min
E258: Weed, Alcohol, and Sex: What's Actually Happening to Your Body and Desire
They explore how alcohol and cannabis change desire, arousal, communication, and orgasm. Listeners’ stories range from laughing too much to complete shutdowns. The conversation warns about impaired judgment, consent confusion, emotional flattening, and physical effects like trouble getting wet or finishing. Practical guidance covers talking to partners, when substance use hides deeper issues, and moving toward sober intimacy.
Apr 24, 2026 • 1h 4min
E257: Am I The Asshole? Oversharing, Snoring, and Body Shaming
They dissect messy relationship dilemmas about oversharing intimate details with family and where privacy should begin. They debate when blunt honesty about a partner’s body becomes cruel. They tackle neighbors knocking on ceilings during sex and how to handle noisy roommates. They also weigh in on snoring, sleep needs, and asking for better sexual initiation.
Apr 16, 2026 • 1h 2min
E256: Doggy Style: Tips, Tricks, and Techniques for Maximum Pleasure
They dive into doggy style basics, covering how to get into position and simple angle tweaks that change everything. Small adjustments for comfort, depth control, and avoiding slipping get practical attention. They normalize queefing, appearance worries, and dryness while suggesting intimacy-boosting touches and playful variations to keep things fresh.
Apr 9, 2026 • 43min
E255: The Sexiest Thing You're Not Doing in Bed…Mutual Masturbation
They explain mutual masturbation and why so few couples try it. Short, practical scripts and low-pressure ways to bring it up are offered. Tips to ease shyness include lighting, clothing choices, and simple props. Creative variations cover turn-taking, control play, toys, and long-distance approaches.
9 snips
Apr 2, 2026 • 54min
E254: Couples Coaching: Why Resentment Is Killing Your Sex Life
A real-life couples coaching session about sex that has become resented rather than desired. They dig into how postpartum, hormones, porn, and lifelong learning around orgasm reshape intimacy. Conversations cover how denying pleasure and cutting non-sexual touch erode closeness. Practical reconnection steps and when to seek therapy are explored.
Mar 26, 2026 • 1h 7min
E253: Ask A Sex Therapist: dry spells, sex pillows, and morning sex
They answer real listener questions about sex pillows — shapes, pros, cons, and whether they’re worth the space. They talk about dry spells: what counts as normal and when to take action. Morning sex mismatches, low-energy intimacy, lingerie awkwardness, and how to suggest resources to a reluctant partner all come up in short, practical conversations.
Mar 19, 2026 • 52min
E252: Don’t Give Your Kids “The Talk” (do this instead)
They challenge the idea of one big “talk” and promote short, ongoing conversations instead. They cover research showing talking lowers risky behavior and shame. They explain how to define family values, the five core conversations parents should have, and when to start. Practical scripts, age-based guidance, and handling surprise questions are offered.
8 snips
Mar 12, 2026 • 1h 6min
E251: What’s Your Desire Type? Our NEW Framework for Understanding What You and Your Partner Really Want
They introduce a four-type framework that explains why desire shows up in different ways. You’ll hear about brain-first versus body-first desire and whether people want intimacy before or after emotional connection. The hosts map the four Desire Types, give quick ways to identify yours, and offer practical prompts to help partners talk about mismatched desire without blame.
Mar 5, 2026 • 1h 3min
E250: What Do Men Really Think About…? Part 4 (Heated Rivalry, mental load + areolas)
They dig into Heated Rivalry and how men react to seeing gay sex on screen. Bathroom habits and why men take long breaks get candid explanations. The conversation tackles mental load, sharing chores, and how income roles affect relationships. They also explore couch-potato style, sexual dynamics like submissiveness, hygiene expectations, and what men actually notice about breasts.
