Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.This is a second question from a listener named Tabitha who adopted a baby boy last year. Tho the adoption looked like it might be at least semi-open, it's effectively closed for now because the baby's birth mom is no longer communicating even with the agency. Question: All our training spoke to the benefits of open adoption. We also know (our baby) has two older siblings living with grandparents. There is also a toddler-aged sibling who was adopted. Like us, first mom is in her early 40s, so she’s got life experience. How do we handle questions that arise when baby G is older, with so little info? We seem to be a rarity in this day and age, with a closed adoption not of our choosing. I definitely respect mom’s choices, but I know questions will pop up on our little one’s end down the road.Resources:Strategies for Maintaining Sibling ConnectionsHelping Siblings Separated by Adoption or Foster Care - Weekend WisdomHandling Social Media & Birth Family Contact with Your Adopted, Foster, or Kinship KidsSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Is the idea of attachment parenting new to you and your family? Or could you use a refresher on what secure attachment is and why it matters? Listen to this conversation with Samantha Farris, LMSW, from the Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development. She's helping us understand the basics of building secure attachment between parent and child to strengthen our families.In this episode, we talk about:How would you describe attachment in the simplest, most hopeful way for a caregiver who’s new to the idea of parent/child attachment? Or who may feel overwhelmed by what they’ve heard and are unsure where to start or start over?Can you walk us through an overview of the attachment cycle and how it typically develops in infancy and early childhood?What are some everyday signs caregivers would see that indicate a secure attachment is developing? (even if it’s not “perfect”)Why does attachment matter so much — not just in childhood, but across a person’s lifespan?What happens in the brain or nervous system when a child feels securely connected versus chronically disconnected?How does adding the practice of being “trauma-informed” change a parent or caregiver’s approach to forging that connection with their adopted or foster child?What are the types of experiences or stressors that kids in our (adoptive, foster, relative caregiving) community may interrupt the natural flow of attachment development?What are the different attachment profiles or styles, in addition to secure attachment?What are three common signs that a child might be struggling with attachment?How might attachment challenges show up differently in toddlers vs school-age children vs. teens?When a child comes with a history of instability, what helps establish a sense of safety and a foundation of trust? What are three things newly adoptive or foster parents can do to nurture attachment in the early days of meeting or welcoming a child home?When a child needs professional help for attachment challenges, what kinds of therapy or supports have you seen be most healing?If a parent feels disconnected, what are two things they can do starting today to begin building attachment?What is one piece of advice you’d give to a brand-new parent or caregiver who has never had to think intentionally about forming attachment before listening to this?Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: When you are preparing your taxes and working out how to maximize this credit and get that $5,000 back, you might find that you want a tax professional to guide you through the filing process. How do you find a qualified, reputable tax specialist who can handle your claim?Resources:Finding a Tax Specialist to File Your Adoption Tax Credit ClaimThe 2025 Adoption Tax Credit (podcast)What Documents Do I Need to File for the Adoption Tax Credit - Weekend WisdomAdoption Tax Credit - Resource GuideSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Should you consider adopting or fostering a child who is older than a child already in your family? Are there things you can do to make it easier for all the children? We talk to Elizabeth Bohlken, Director of Education and Support at Children's Home Society and Lutheran Social Services of Minnesota, to talk about the preparation, joys, and challenges of disrupting birth order.In this episode:What is disrupting birth order?Why is this a topic that prospective adoptive or foster parents should educate themselves about?When combining children by birth and adoption, is it better for the adopted child to be the eldest, the youngest, or in the middle?Is there an age gap that is most recommended or best practice between children when disrupting birth order?Are there similarities between families that have a blend of children by adoption and birth, and families with blended children from divorce and remarriage?How much does age really matter?At what age is a child least affected by having their birth order disrupted?At what age is a child most affected?Is it best to disrupt the birth order of the eldest or the youngest in a family?How should parents handle a situation where the newly adopted child is older in age but younger on an emotional or behavioral level?What steps can prospective adoptive or foster parents take to prepare children already in the home for the adoption of a sibling, especially an older child?What type of sleeping arrangements should parents use in the first couple of months at home when they are adopting a child who is older than their other children?What types of behaviors might a parent or caregiver see in the early stages of this new dynamic?Why is sibling rivalry a common outcome of disrupting birth order?How to handle physically aggressive behavior between children?Practical tips to ease the transition for all the children in the family.Parenting mentalities/techniques to help a family adjust to a disrupted birth order?What is virtual or artificial twinning?What should parents consider before adopting a child of a similar age (within about 9 months) to a child already in the family?What are the warning signs that parents need to get help with an adoption that disrupts birth order or involves virtual twinning?What type of therapies or therapists should families look for to support birth order changes or artificial twinning?What should parents understand about the risk factors of sexual or physical abuse that a child may have experienced before being adopted or placed in this foster home?Where and how do parents get help to support their family in the transitions of disrupting birth order?Resources:Sibling Relationships (Resource page)Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: How do we handle an adoption that has been closed from the first mom’s end? We don’t even have a photo of her despite our request.Our #1 Secret Tip for Navigating Open Adoption5 Tips for Navigating Sticky Situations with Birth ParentsWho Holds the Power in Adoption: Birth Parents or Adoptive Parents?Where is Mommy? Helping Kids Cope with Absent ParentsSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Did you know that the current reigning Miss Kentucky is a foster alum? We spoke with Ariana Rodriguez about her life leading up to the pageant circuit, what motivates her, and how her foundation, The Lucky Ones, is changing foster care experiences for foster kids in Kentucky.In this episode, we talk about:You made history as the first Miss Kentucky to have been in foster care. Can you start from the beginning and give us the story that led to this title?What was it like living with your grandparents? What were the positive changes? What was hardest about this time of your childhood? How did that time in kinship care help shape who you are today?Were you able to stay in touch with your siblings?What gaps or “pain points” for kids in foster care or kinship care did you experience in those years?How did these lived experiences begin to transform into a passion or mission for advocacy? Was there a pivotal moment when you said, “This is my platform”?What personal strengths emerged from your past that you leaned on (resilience, empathy, leadership, etc.)?How do your childhood and care-system experiences continue to inform your daily life, mindset, or choices?Are there challenges or triggers that still surface for you because of your past experiences? How do you navigate them?What are your relationships with your siblings like now? Tell us more about The Lucky OnesDo you have a specific story you can share that illustrates the impact of your work?Are you gaining new connections and collaborations to help further the mission of your platform?What’s next for you, personally (as Miss Kentucky, as an advocate, as a leader)?What’s next for The Lucky Ones? Are there new programs to launch, etc?What advice do you have for young people currently in the foster or kinship-care system who may feel uncertain about their future?For foster or relative caregivers?If you could speak directly to the decision-makers (legislators, social services, educators) about one thing to make a meaningful difference for foster/kinship care kids, what would that be?Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: I recently listened to a podcast featuring an adoptee, a birth mother, and an adoptive parent, which was great. The adoptee talked about when it hit her that she was adopted and feeling like her birth mother threw her away. My sons are adopted through the foster care system. One is technically still a foster child. My oldest was removed from his birth mother immediately after being born and placed with us. My second son spent about a year with his parents in a very neglectful situation, and drugs were a factor in both situations. I'm wondering how to respectfully have that conversation with my sons when the time comes. Note, please, that we are a two-dad household, so there's no hiding the adoption from them.Resources:Talking about Adoption at Different AgesHow to Make and Use an Adoption LifebookTalking with Young Children About Adoption and Birth ParentsBooks for Kids Adopted from Foster Care9 Things Adoptive Parents Must Do Before Age 13Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Are you familiar with pathological demand avoidance? Do you need helpful strategies to raise a child with the challenging behaviors that characterize PDA? Listen in to this conversation with Dr. Cynthia Martin, a clinical psychologist, the former Senior Director of the Autism Center at the Child Mind Institute, and founder of CM Psychology in Manhattan, NY.In this episode, we discuss:What is Pathological Demand Avoidance?What makes PDA different from typical defiance or resistance?Is PDA considered an official diagnosis, or is it more of a way to describe a cluster of behaviors that we’re seeing in some kids?What do we know about the underlying causes?How does PDA relate to other conditions like autism or ADHD? What are the overlaps with trauma, prenatal substance exposure??What are the types of behaviors parents or caregivers might see?How can a caregiver tell the difference between a child who can’t comply and one who won’t comply?Where do parents start when considering if their child has a PDA profile?What observations or examples should parents share to help a clinician understand their child’s challenges?What kinds of strategies are effective for parenting a child with PDA traits?How can parents reframe their approach so that daily demands — like getting dressed, brushing teeth, or doing homework — don’t turn into constant battles?What types of therapies or interventions tend to be most helpful? What do you say to caregivers who are feeling worn down and ineffective? Where do they start?How can a parent or caregiver set their child up for success even if they do have this PDA profile?What words of hope or encouragement would you offer to parents and caregivers just starting to investigate?Resources:Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) in Kids - Child Mind InstituteDemand Avoidance: Why Kids Refuse to Follow Directions - Psychology TodaySymptom Tests for Children: Is Your Child Showing Signs of Pathological Demand Avoidance? - ADDitude: ADHD Science & StrategiesUnstuck & On Target - Evidence-Based Curricula and Resources for Professionals and Families to Support Executive Functions.Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: How to talk to your child about their conception story when embryo donation/embryo adoption is involved in forming your family?Resources:Embryo Adoption (Resource Page)Suggested Books for Children Conceived Through Embryo DonationDisclosing Donor Conception to Our Kids (podcast)Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Talking about the difficult parts of our child's story, like abuse or prenatal substance exposure, can be overwhelming. Kelly Weidner, the co-founder and Executive Director of Haven Adoptions & Family Services in Ambler, PA. She has 28 years of experience in foster care, residential care, and adoption, which will help us navigate these challenging conversations with our kids.In this episode, we discuss:What kinds of issues do we mean when we say “difficult parts” of a child’s story? What are some of the everyday challenging conversations that adoptive parents must tackle?Why is it necessary to introduce these potentially painful, complex issues to our kids?Why are parents reluctant to talk about these issues?What steps should adoptive parents take when choosing to start these conversations? Where do they start?What is a Lifebook, and how can parents use them to introduce and build on the story as their child grows?What should be included?How does a Lifebook differ between the types of adoption?What if your child wants to bring their Lifebook to school or show it to people outside the family?What language can you use with young children to lay the groundwork for later, with more details filled in as they grow?How would a parent start the conversation about being conceived during a rape or abusive relationship, across several ages or stages, to build understanding?As another example, should we tell our kids about abuse or neglect that happened to them if they don’t remember it? How?Should you tell a child that her birth mother’s use of drugs or alcohol during pregnancy might be the cause of their learning disabilities? How do you help your child understand how much of his story he should share with others outside the family?What if you don’t believe the birth mother’s story of what happened? What if you don’t know the details of what happened, just that something “big” did happen?How can adoptive parents help their children understand that they are more than the difficult parts of their history and that they are not doomed to repeat their birth parents' mistakes?What are some practical tips for supporting our kids after we’ve had to share hard-to-hear information?Resources:Suggested Books for Adoptive FamiliesUsing Lifebooks to Explain Complex Issues in Adoption to KidsBuilding the Framework for Adopted & Foster Children to Process the Hard Parts of Their StoriesThe Art of TalkSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:Weekly podcastsWeekly articles/blog postsResource pages on all aspects of family building