What You Should Know About Disrupting Birth Order in Adoption & Foster Care

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Should you consider adopting or fostering a child who is older than a child already in your family? Are there things you can do to make it easier for all the children? We talk to Elizabeth Bohlken, Director of Education and Support at Children's Home Society and Lutheran Social Services of Minnesota, to talk about the preparation, joys, and challenges of disrupting birth order.

In this episode:

• What is disrupting birth order?
• Why is this a topic that prospective adoptive or foster parents should educate themselves about?
• When combining children by birth and adoption, is it better for the adopted child to be the eldest, the youngest, or in the middle?
• Is there an age gap that is most recommended or best practice between children when disrupting birth order?
• Are there similarities between families that have a blend of children by adoption and birth, and families with blended children from divorce and remarriage?
• How much does age really matter?
  • At what age is a child least affected by having their birth order disrupted?
  • At what age is a child most affected?
  • Is it best to disrupt the birth order of the eldest or the youngest in a family?
• How should parents handle a situation where the newly adopted child is older in age but younger on an emotional or behavioral level?
• What steps can prospective adoptive or foster parents take to prepare children already in the home for the adoption of a sibling, especially an older child?
• What type of sleeping arrangements should parents use in the first couple of months at home when they are adopting a child who is older than their other children?
• What types of behaviors might a parent or caregiver see in the early stages of this new dynamic?
• Why is sibling rivalry a common outcome of disrupting birth order?
  • How to handle physically aggressive behavior between children?
• Practical tips to ease the transition for all the children in the family.
• Parenting mentalities/techniques to help a family adjust to a disrupted birth order?
• What is virtual or artificial twinning?
• What should parents consider before adopting a child of a similar age (within about 9 months) to a child already in the family?
• What are the warning signs that parents need to get help with an adoption that disrupts birth order or involves virtual twinning?
• What type of therapies or therapists should families look for to support birth order changes or artificial twinning?
• What should parents understand about the risk factors of sexual or physical abuse that a child may have experienced before being adopted or placed in this foster home?
• Where and how do parents get help to support their family in the transitions of disrupting birth order?

Resources:

• Sibling Relationships (Resource page)

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