Make Some Noise with Andrea Owen

Let’s get one thing out of the way: I talk about the inner-critic a lot. I do it because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this beast— the voice in your head that keeps you small— has the capacity to be the ONE thing that prevents you from living your most kick-ass life. And when it’s uncovered, managed, and transformed...everything changes.This post is about a real-life situation that happened to me a few years ago, and how I’m dealt with my own inner-critic. I'll also weave in a couple of examples that might happen in your life...A couple of years ago I wrote a book. I got a book deal, the book went out to the world and in its first 14 months of publication sold over 10,000 copies.And I totally freaked out.It wasn’t an “OMG-this-is-so-amazing!” kind of freak out. It was a “I’m-so-incredibly-uncomfortable-with-all-this-success-and-attention-I-can’t-be-a-functioning-human-being-ever-again” kind of freak out.I soldiered on through the book promotion and hid out for about 4 months when it was over. Then I went head first into working on my own shit because what happened during that time was a HUGE indicator that work needed to be done.Then about a year ago the call came from my literary agent. He and my publisher are ready for me to write a second book. He asked for an outline and I told him I would have it emailed over by the end of May. May 30th came and went and I hadn't started. I procrastinated like it was my JOB. I’m was ready to write the book except OMG THAT’S SCARY!Why so scary, you ask? Because here’s what my inner-critic says to me the minute my agent tells me they are ready for book #2 and they want an outline:"What, I think I’m an author now?""This one needs to be better than the first""My new idea isn't good enough""They're going to pass on it or make me change it"And when I dig really deep and ask myself what I’m really afraid of-- it’s failure a little bit, yes. But what scares me the most…is success.It’s the big message of “Who do you think you are?”I’m no stranger to this question. I’ve been hearing it and working on it (over and over) since I started my business nearly six years ago. Well, to be honest, most of my adult life.And as I’ve been going through it again and working through it, I knew I needed to tell you— my dear ass-kickers—what the steps are exactly to make my way through it and carry on. So, here they are:Before I jump in-- this doesn't have to be directly related to doing and accomplishing big goals. Maybe you want to speak up in a meeting, ask someone out, initiate sex with your partner, have a hard conversation with someone, or set a boundary. Any of those examples has the ability to make your inner-critic go nuts, so these steps definitely apply here.Read the rest HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to episode 97 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! Thank you for being here and for listening to my chat with the lovely and talented Hannah Marcotti. Hannah is a coach for highly sensitive people (are you one too?); she herself is also a highly sensitive person.On this episode Hannah talks about some of the telltale signs that you or a loved one are highly sensitive, such as only being able to wear certain clothes because they feel right and nothing else does or not being able to tolerate loud, crowded places, etc. She also shares why it's so helpful to know this about yourself and appreciate the gift that high sensitivity offers you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Usually when I record a solo podcast episode, you get to read the whole thing here in a handy-dandy blog post. However, this lesson/episode has a story attached that is so...I don’t even know how to describe it...painful/excruciating/funny/embarrassing, to type it up won’t do it justice. You’ll just have to listen.In it, I’m sharing with you times I’ve done something vulnerable and fallen on my face. Stories where it didn’t work out. And how I got back up again and moved on.I start with the story of me going to see Rob Bell speak last week in Durham and I made a complete asshat of myself, not once, not twice, but three times in one day. The second one wasn’t quite that bad, but the third one was so bad if you’re that person who has trouble watching excruciating moments during reality shows, (like me) this will make you uncomfortable. This picture of me with crazy eyes and Rob Bell was taken about 10 minutes before that third thing happened…I actually had a different episode planned for today, but this thing happened and I decided to share it for three reasons: When it happened, I swore to myself I would NOT share it with listeners b/c it was so humiliating. When I think something like that, I know it’s hit an edge with me and it’s something for me to think about, work through, and then share with you. Everyone has these moments. I teach courage and kickassery-- if I can’t tell you my failures and how I get back up, what good is it? I told the story to Amy (my BFF) and she laughed to hard she had tears streaming down her face. So, hopefully you can both cringe and laugh with me. Trust me when I tell you I wasn’t laughing when it happened, but I laughed when I told her later. Read the rest HEREResources mentioned in this podcast: How to Handle Your Inner-Mean Girl blog post and podcast episodeDr. Martha Atkins podcast episode on death, dying, and griefRob Bell’s website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to episode 95 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast. This episode is a first for the show: we are talking about death, dying and grief. You might be thinking, “Yeah, no thanks!” And yes, these are things we’ve never covered before but a topic that is incredibly powerful and necessary. Seriously, ass kickers, this was one of my favorite conversations on the YKAL podcast!Dr. Martha Atkins joins us to share her wisdom on this topic. Dr. Martha is the CEO of her own company, holds a PhD in counseling education and is also a published author on the topic of grief, death and dying. Even if you’ve never lost a close friend or family member you’ve still been touched by loss. When a relationship ends, a friendship changes or a job doesn’t pan out the way you had hoped, there is loss and with loss comes grief.   On this episode Dr. Martha shares her personal stories of loss and grief, and what led her to do this work. Episode 95 is a powerful conversation guaranteed to touch you and provide insights on the grief cycle; the insights you hear today will help you the next time you’re faced with any kind of loss. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi ass kickers! Welcome to our first edition of Listener Q & A. You sent me your questions, and I’ve answered them on the podcast. If you’re not familiar with the podcast, simply click the pink player button above to listen, or you can find the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast on iTunes (Apple devices) or Stitcher (Android).I answered three questions on everything from relationships, to the inner-critic, to setting boundaries. And more! I hope you enjoy listening!At minute 3:51... My question is, how do I deal with in-laws that I don't trust? My in-laws live several hundred miles away, so I only see them 3-4 times a year. But, whenever I have to see or talk to them, I feel very anxious, tense and guarded. My experience with them has shown that whatever I say or do is closely scrutinized. I have to defend everything I say or do when I'm with them. As a result, I reveal as little of myself as I can. I feel like I'm hiding behind a shield of fabricated blandness. It feels gross and exhausting. I don't trust that they love me unconditionally and I don't trust they have my back. How do I maintain this relationship without all the anxiety and in-authentic posturing? I don't feel safe to let my guard down, but I hate the way this relationship feels and the stress it causes me. -SaraI have three juicy questions for Sara to think about, hopefully that will help her think some about the situation from new perspectives. I let her know she may have unrealistic expectations of this relationship and direct her also to another podcast I did with Christine Hassler, author or Expectation Hangover. If anyone has had disappointing relationships, give that episode a listen!Even if you don’t have the same situation with in-laws that Sara does, you probably have that person in your life where you have the choice to have a conversation with them about something that is unsaid. ___________________________________________________________________Read the rest HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to episode 93 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast. Today my new friend from Soul Camp is here to talk about love and relationships. Rachel DeAlto is a certified coach from the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC) certified coach and a certified hypnotherapist from the International Association Of Counselors & Therapists (IACT). She’s been featured on The Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN/HLN, The Steve Harvey Show, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, and Glamour, among others. If that wasn’t enough she’s also given two TEDx talks: one on the Power of Kindness and another on Killing Fear! On this episode Rachel shares her perspective on what makes a healthy relationship, what self-love means and how she practices it, plus how to heal a broken heart no matter what stage of grief you are in. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do I talk about the inner-critic so much?This is the thing that gets in the way of us showing up fully, of having those tough conversations that allow us to get what we want and to stand up for ourselves. This is the voice that asks us “What will people think” that drives us to perfectionism, people pleasing, and trying to control everything. This is the voice that makes us feel like shit so that we lash out and blame.And a lot of times this is the voice of shame. Old childhood stuff that sticks with us and haunts us. So when we don’t know this is happening, it rules our life and nothing changes. That’s why I’m hellbent on teaching you all to manage that voice.Truth: I still have an inner-mean girl. It’s the voice in my head that tells me I’m not good enough, I’m not doing it right, I am most definitely falling short, and asks, “Who do you think you are?” when I go after what I want.Over the years I’ve worked and worked on her. I’ve embraced the little girl in her that is hurting and afriad. I’ve hated her, I’ve had compassion for her (btw- having compassion for her feels waaay better). I’ve listened to her, I’ve pushed her aside. And I’ve noticed over the years she gets bent out of shape for different things, depending on what season of life I’m in. And of course, over the last few years, she’s been all up in my face about a very important role in my life:MOTHERHOOD.And maybe your inner mean girl gets chatty around your body, your work, your relationships, your role as a daughter, friend, whatever. But, for the sake of this post, I’ll be giving you the example of motherhood.read the rest HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to episode 91 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast. Even if you’ve listened to this show only a few times you know affirmations are not my thing. But a class I took at Soul Camp showed me affirmations can be incredibly powerful when combined with physical movement (who knew?!). Our guest for today’s show, Patricia Moreno, was the teacher of that class. Patricia has found a way to combine affirmations with yoga, martial arts, and dance: it’s called the IntenSati method. After being with her at Soul Camp and simply falling in love with her I had to have her on the show.In addition to teaching at Soul Camp, Patricia and the IntenSati method have also been featured on The Today Show, The New York Times, Oprah Magazine and The Wall Street Journal, among other places. She is an award-winning fitness expert, a mindset specialist and a New Age thought leader.On this episode we talk about what IntenSati is, how her upbringing led her to create it and how she’s fulfilling her mission to help others live the life they love in a body they love by spreading the IntenSati method worldwide. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Originally I had titled this post, ‘What no one tells you about getting sober”, but really it’s what no one tells you about life.In early 2011 I knew I needed to get sober. It’s a longer story, one you can read about here, but a couple months into my recovery, I realized I was going to have to face something that I had never done before:Face my feelings sober.And it’s no shock that many people that get sober from drugs and/or alcohol, turn to another “drug”: shopping, relationships, exercise, food, over-achieving, busyness, Internet, you-name-it. Whatever they can get their hands on to numb out with. Why? My guess is that they get sober and feelings come up. They don’t drink anymore, so they have to turn to something else to cope and numb.We live in a culture that doesn’t teach us how to feel our feelings. There’s no class in school for it, and many families don’t talk openly about it. And even if we kind of know what to do with our feelings, rarely are we encouraged to do so. The generations before us were mostly emotionally illiterate– meaning vulnerability (which is what encouraging the expression of feelings is) is simply not fostered. Personally, I grew up in a house with a metric shit-ton of love, but when it came to vulnerability– Nope.So in 2011 when I found myself sober, the irony was almost funny: When drinking I had my days feeling like I would crawl out of my skin if I didn’t have a drink (or 5), and then when I got sober, I felt like I had crawled out of my skin– like I was this raw person walking around bumping into everything. Emily McCombs says so eloquently about this stage:“Snorting coke is not hardcore. Walking around feeling whatever fucked-up shit you feel, without escape, 24/7, is fucking hardcore.”And yes, it’s fucking hardcore.Read the rest HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to episode 89 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast. I am always excited to share our guest with you and today is no exception. The powerhouse woman joining us is an inspirational catalyst, best-selling author and is widely known as the Queen of Self-Love: Ms. Christine Arylo. Christine is here to talk about her passionate mission to create a new reality for women and girls: one of self-love and true feminine power. Her teachings have been shared far and wide through such mediums as ABC, FOX, CBS, WGN, Huffington Post and more (including TedX!). On this episode we explore exactly what self-love is and what it’s not, why and how she began this journey in the first place, and also how to embrace the choice and the practice of self-love in your daily life. We also talk about cheese. Seriously. But, just for a minute. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices