Sex and Psychology Podcast

It is often said that the most important decision you make in your life is who you decide to have a relationship with—yet most of us are never really taught anything about how to make this decision. As a result, we typically learn how to navigate relationships through trial and error, but there are usually a lot of errors along the way! That’s why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about boosting your relationship IQ by revealing the secrets of relationship success. I interviewed relationship expert Dr. Gary Lewandowski. He is a Professor at Monmouth University and author of the new book Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: How believing in the idea of a “soul mate” holds us back from finding relationship happiness. Why it’s OK—and healthy—to be a little bit selfish in your relationship. How too much closeness in your relationship can push you and your partner apart. Why you shouldn’t tell your partner, “if you love me, you’ll change.” How going for a partner who is way more attractive than you can produce a less stable relationship. Why it’s important to embrace disagreement and conflict in your relationship. Why breakups usually aren’t as bad as we think they’re going to be—and how to move on after a relationship ends. To learn more about Gary, visit his website and check out his new book Stronger Than You Think. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Although sex, dating, and relationships can bring us great joy, they also have a very dark side. For example, people sometimes lie or deceive others in order to have sex. And in dating and relationships, jealousy sometimes turns into violence. So why do these things happen in the first place? And what can we do to prevent them? I interviewed Dr. David Buss, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. He is considered the world’s leading scientific expert on strategies of human mating and is one of the founders of the field of evolutionary psychology. His latest book is titled When Men Behave Badly: The Hidden Roots of Sexual Deception, Harassment, and Assault. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: Why is sexual deception so common in the world of dating? What are the deeper roots behind this behavior, and what can we do about it? How many people in relationships cultivate “back-up mates” in case things don’t work out with their current partner? Why is this behavior so common? Why are we often drawn to partners with “dark” personality traits, such as narcissism? Why is jealousy “the most dangerous emotion?” If jealousy causes so many negative effects, is it really an adaptive emotion? Why is it important to consider evolutionary perspectives on human sexuality? Can adopting an evolutionary perspective help us to prevent sexual harassment and violence? To learn more about David, visit his website and check out his new book When Men Behave Badly. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Is it really true that having a greater number of sexual partners necessarily means you have a greater risk for sexually transmitted infections (STDs)? Nope! It turns out that a lot of the things we think we know about STDs are just plain wrong, which is why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about the surprising secrets of STDs. I interviewed Dr. Ina Park, an associate professor at the University of California San Francisco School of Medicine. She is also a Medical Consultant at the Division of STD Prevention at the CDC, and Medical Director of the California Prevention Training Center. She is author of the new book Strange Bedfellows: Adventures in the Science, History, and Surprising Secrets of STDs. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: The conventional wisdom is that STDs are caused by promiscuity—but is it really the case that having more partners necessarily translates to greater risk? Is everyone equally vulnerable to STDs? Do some people have more natural immunity? How does STD contact tracing work, and what kinds of reactions do people tend to have when a contact tracer informs them that they might have an STD? Potential contestants on The Bachelor are screened for STDs before coming on the show, and a positive result is the most common reason for disqualification; however, a lot of people receive false positives because certain tests have low accuracy rates. So is this a good idea or a bad idea? Can an STD really ‘highjack’ your brain and change your sexual behavior to facilitate viral transmission? How do our constantly evolving sexual practices affect STDs? What’s the connection between pubic hair grooming and STDs? Are online dating apps responsible for increasing rates of STDs? How do you have effective conversations with a sex or dating partner about STDs? To learn more about Ina, visit her website at inapark.net and check out her new book Strange Bedfellows! *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Where do our dreams come from? And what, if anything, do they actually mean? As someone who is a very vivid dreamer every single night, I have always been curious to learn more about the psychology of dreaming (including our sex dreams), so I invited a dream expert onto the podcast to explore what the science actually says. For this episode, I interviewed Dr. Dylan Selterman, a senior lecturer in the Department of Psychology at the University of Maryland. He is a social and personality psychologist who has published several studies on the topic of dreaming. Some of the topics we explore include: Why do we dream in the first place? Does dreaming serve a purpose? How many times per night do we dream, and what are the most common dream themes? How often do people dream about sex, and why do some people dream about it more than others? Do sexual and romantic dreams reflect our waking experiences? How do dreams influence behavior in waking life, including how we feel about our partners? What do we know about lucid dreams (dreams where you recognize that you’re in a dream)? What do our dreams mean? And is there any value in analyzing them? Is there any truth to Freud’s theories on dreaming? To learn more about Dylan, follow him on Twitter at @seltermosby and check out his Psychology Today blog titled The Resistance Hypothesis. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

What does an affair really look like? What do people do, say, and feel when they cheat on a romantic partner? And why do so many people commit infidelity in the first place? In this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, we take you inside an affair. I interviewed Dr. Dylan Selterman, who is a senior lecturer in the Department of Psychology at the University of Maryland. He is a social and personality psychologist by training, who studies topics relating to attraction and dating, romantic relationships, sexuality, and dreaming. Dylan has published an extensive body of research on infidelity, and we dive into some of the key things he has discovered, including: What counts as “cheating” anyway? How common is infidelity? What are the main reasons why people cheat? And do those reasons vary across men and women? What are the most common intimate behaviors that take place during an affair? Are affairs really all about sex? How often do affairs lead to breakup? How is infidelity similar or different in same-sex vs. mixed sex relationships? Is there ever anything positive than can come out of an affair? To learn more about Dylan, follow him on Twitter at @seltermosby and check out his Psychology Today blog titled The Resistance Hypothesis. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

May is Masturbation Month, so let’s talk self-pleasure! Masturbation is a topic that has long been shrouded by secrecy and shame, and it’s well past time that we bust the harmful myths, break the taboo, and normalize self-pleasure. For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I spoke with Marie Aoyama, who works in the Global Marketing Department for TENGA, a Japanese-based sexual health and wellness brand enabling users around the world to celebrate self-pleasure with its innovative and diverse sex and masturbation toys. TENGA recently released their 2021 Self-Pleasure Report, which was based on a representative survey of 1,000 American adults aged 18-54. This survey offers important insights into masturbation attitudes and practices in the United States today, as well as how they have changed during the COVID-19 pandemic. We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including: How did self-pleasure change over the last year? Why was there a bigger drop in masturbation for women than there was for men during the pandemic? What do people actually do when they masturbate? When people fantasize during masturbation, who and what are they most likely to think about? What are the benefits of self-pleasure, and why should we think of it as a form of self-care? If people had to give up either sex or masturbation for a month, which one do you think they’d choose? (The answer may surprise you!) How many people are comfortable talking openly about masturbation? And what do we need to do to break the taboos surrounding self-pleasure? To learn more about the key findings from TENGA’s 2021 Self-Pleasure Report, see here. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.  Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

One of the most common questions I get asked as a sex educator is how to open up a monogamous relationship. People ask about this for a wide range of reasons. For example, some folks have always wanted to do it, but never knew quite how to go about it. Others just want to try something new and different, or find the idea exciting. Yet others are in long-distance relationships and seeking to provide a sexual outlet. So what do you need to know if you’re thinking about giving this a try? For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I spoke with certified sex therapist Martha Kauppi. Her private practice in Madison, Wisconsin, specializes in complex relational therapy, sex issues, and family structures. She is the founding director of the Institute for Relational Intimacy and author of the new book Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients). We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including: What draws people to open and polyamorous relationships in the first place? How does having an open relationship tend to work out? What are the questions you need to ask yourself if you’re thinking about opening up your relationship? What are the key things you need to discuss with your partner before opening up? What goes into a successful relationship agreement, and how do you make an agreement you can actually stick to? What is “new relationship energy” and why is this a double-edged sword in open and polyamorous relationships? What are the most common problems that arise in open relationships, and how do you deal with them? What if you open up your relationship, but one partner wants to go back to being monogamous and the other doesn’t? To learn more about Martha, visit her website here and be sure to check out her new book, Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients). *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Sex is a topic that is all too often neglected in the doctor’s office. That’s unfortunate because our health affects our sex lives and, at the same time, our sex lives affect our health. We need to open the lines of sexual communication in medical settings so that we can help people to lead happier, healthier lives both in and out of the bedroom. For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I spoke with Dr. Michael Moreno. Dr Moreno is a family medicine physician of nearly 25 years. He is author of the New York Times Best-Selling 17 Day Diet book series and host of the Podcast WELLNESS INC. His work focuses on encouraging and sustaining positive lifestyle change. This episode offers a physician’s perspective on sex. Some of the topics we cover include: What is the role of a healthy lifestyle in having a good sex life? Why do we need to stop looking for a pill to fix every sexual problem? How much training do physicians actually get in sexual medicine? How can we make medical offices a more comfortable environment for discussing sex for doctors and patients alike? What are the most common sexual health issues that come up in the doctor’s office? Why are so many young men today reporting erectile difficulties to their doctors? How often are sexual problems based in skewed perceptions of what’s “normal” when it comes to sex? To learn more about Dr. Moreno, visit his website here and check out his 17 Day Diet book. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In long-term relationships, feelings of passion tend to be really intense in the beginning, but typically decrease over time. As a result, one of the most common questions people ask about relationships is how to get that spark back—and keep it going. For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I spoke with Dr. Amy Muise, an Assistant Professor at York University in Toronto, Canada who studies how couples can maintain sexual desire and satisfaction over time. We talked about the key things Amy has learned through her research, including how to keep passion alive, how to deal effectively with sexual disagreements, whether having more sex would make you happier, why cuddling after sex is good for your relationship, and so much more. Some of the topics we cover include: How can engaging in “self-expanding” activities help couples get the spark back in their relationship? Why is being motivated to meet your partner’s sexual needs crucial to maintaining passion? What happens when one partner consistently wants more sex than the other? How do you bridge a sexual divide like this? What does it mean to “positively reject” a partner’s request for sex? How do you turn down sex in a positive way? Are couples who have more sex necessarily happier than couples who have less sex? How much does what you do after sex matter? How often do people in relationships fantasize about ex-partners, and what does this mean for their relationships? To learn more about Amy, visit her website here and follow her on Twitter @AmyMuise. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

What does sex and relationship therapy look like for LGBTQ patients? What are the main issues that come up, and how are they similar to or different from the issues that arise in therapy with cisgender, heterosexual clients? For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Thomas Whitfield, a sex therapist, educator, and researcher based in New York City whose work focuses on the LGBTQ population. Thomas is one of the co-hosts of the podcast The Obsessables and he has a YouTube channel called Sh*t They Won’t Tell You in Sex Ed. We talked all about common issues that come up in sex and relationship therapy with LGBTQ persons, as well as maintaining sexual health for sexual minorities. Some of the topics we cover include: What are the main issues that prompt LGBTQ persons to seek sex therapy? How do you help a client who may be struggling with internalized homophobia? What are the main issues that arise in LGBTQ couple’s therapy? What are the unique issues that come up in sex therapy with bisexual persons? What is PrEP and how does it work to prevent HIV? Also, how does being on PrEP impact psychology and sexual behavior? What do lesbian and bisexual women need to know about maintaining good sexual health? How do you have productive and healthy conversions with a partner about STD status? To learn more about Thomas, visit his website here and be sure to check out his YouTube channel. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.