Sex and Psychology Podcast

Explore the challenges and solutions for couples with different sexual desires, including the role of gender. Learn about high libido and managing discrepant desire through self-reflection. Discover how self-pleasure and consensual non-monogamy can help navigate desire discrepancies. Discuss the support high-desire partners can provide to partners with lower desire due to trauma.

In long-term sexual relationships, partners aren’t always on the same page about sex. This is normal. However, when a sexual desire discrepancy becomes large and persistent, it can become a significant source of conflict and distress. So let’s talk about how to navigate desire discrepancies. This is the first episode in a two-part series on the subject. Today, we’re going to discuss what to do when you’re the one who wants less sex. In the next episode, we’re going to talk about the flipside: what to do when you’re the partner who wants more sex. My guest is Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, a licensed psychologist and AASECT certified sex therapist. She is the co-author of the forthcoming book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships. Her co-author of this book, Jennifer Vencill, will join me for the next episode. Some of the topics we discuss include: How common are sexual desire discrepancies? What are some of the factors that can negatively affect libido and lead to a decline in sexual desire? What does it really mean to have “low libido?” Is your libido actually low, or does it just seem low compared to your partner? What are some strategies for reconnecting with your partner when dealing with low libido? What is sensate focus, and how can it be helpful in dealing with a sexual desire discrepancy? To learn more, make sure to check out Lauren’s website and connect with her on Instagram. Thank you to our sponsors! Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

From Albert Einstein to James Joyce, it turns out that a lot of revered historical figures had fascinating intimate lives and a proclivity for kink. So let’s continue the discussion of kinky history we started in the previous episode! Today, we’re going to talk about the kinky sex lives of some famous folks from the past, but we’re also going to explore the history and evolution of various sexual behaviors, from oral sex to pegging to foot fetishes. I am joined once again by Esmé Louise James, who is best known for her series Kinky History, which has amassed nearly 3 million followers across her social media accounts. Esmé is a PhD candidate at the University of Melbourne and author of the upcoming book Kinky History: The Stories Behind Our Intimate Lives, Past and Present. She also hosts the popular Kinky History podcast. Some of the topics we discuss include: How long have humans been practicing fellatio, cunnilingus, and rimming? And how have these behaviors changed over time? Is pegging really a new sexual practice? Why might fetishes and kinks rise during epidemics and pandemics? Why have feet historically been one of the most common fetish objects? What are the kinky histories of author James Joyce and scientist Albert Einstein? To learn more, check out Esmé’s website, and stay connected with her on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok. Thank you to our sponsors! CHEEX is a subscription-based sexual wellness platform offering a safe space for both entertainment and education. You’ll find sex tutorials, live workshops, erotic films and audio stories, as well as a taboo-breaking magazine. Try CHEEX for free for 7 days when you select the annual subscription option and use discount code LEHMILLER. Visit https://getcheex.com to get started. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

It turns out that for as long as humans have been having sex, they’ve been having pretty kinky sex! So let’s talk about our kinky history. In today’s episode, we’re going to explore the history of BDSM, the origins of the dildo and vibrator (and how they came to be so popular), the world’s first pornographic novel (Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure), and more. All of these things have fascinating stories behind them—and learning about them can help us to better understand modern human sexuality. I am joined by Esmé Louise James, who is best known for her series Kinky History, which has amassed nearly 3 million followers across her social media accounts. Esmé is a PhD candidate at the University of Melbourne and author of the upcoming book Kinky History: The Stories Behind Our Intimate Lives, Past and Present. She also hosts the popular Kinky History podcast. Some of the topics we discuss include: Why is it important for us to understand kinky history in a way that isn’t centered around shame and gossip? How long have humans been into kink and BDSM? When did humans start making dildos? What are the origins of the vibrator, and how did it come to be so popular? What is the significance of the book Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure? What is a day in the life of a sex historian like? To learn more, check out Esmé’s website, and stay connected with her on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok. Thank you to our sponsors! Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In recent years, the term “ethical non-monogamy” has gone mainstream. But what does it actually mean to be ethically non-monogamous? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today. We’re also going to explore some common myths and misconceptions about it, tips for making ethically non-monogamous relationships work, as well as red flags to look out for. I am joined once again by Leanne Yau, also known as Poly Philia. She is a polyamory educator and sex-positive social media influencer, creating and curating humorous and educational memes, tips, videos, and other bite-size content on non-monogamy, queer relationships, and sex positivity. She was named #1 in Cosmopolitan’s “10 Polyamory Experts to Follow on TikTok.” She is currently in training to become a polyamory-friendly therapist. Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include: What does it mean for non-monogamy to be “ethical?” What do the terms “one-penis policy” and “unicorn hunting” mean? And why are they red flags in the world of non-monogamy? How can an overemphasis on fairness lead to a competitive dynamic in polyamory? Can polyamory be ethical regardless of whether it’s hierarchical or non-hierarchical? How can individuals establish healthy and workable non-monogamy agreements? Make sure to check out Leanne’s website, and connect with her on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok to learn more. Thank you to our sponsors! CHEEX is a subscription-based sexual wellness platform offering a safe space for both entertainment and education. You’ll find sex tutorials, live workshops, erotic films and audio stories, as well as a taboo-breaking magazine. Try CHEEX for free for 7 days when you select the annual subscription option and use discount code LEHMILLER. Visit https://getcheex.com to get started. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Interest in polyamory is on the rise. Google searches for it have been increasing for years, it’s increasingly being discussed in the popular media, and some municipalities are starting to offer legal recognition of polyamorous relationships. So what is it actually like to be polyamorous? My guest today is going to share her own personal poly journey. We’re going to discuss the benefits and challenges of multi-partner relationships, when the right time is to open up a monogamous relationship, and so much more. I am joined by Leanne Yau, also known as Poly Philia. She is a polyamory educator and sex-positive social media influencer, creating and curating humorous and educational memes, tips, videos, and other bite-size content on non-monogamy, queer relationships, and sex positivity. She was named #1 in Cosmopolitan’s “10 Polyamory Experts to Follow on TikTok.” She is currently in training to become a polyamory-friendly therapist. Some of the topics we discuss include: How is age related to interest in polyamory? Is it easier to introduce non-monogamy at the start of a relationship, or to wait until later? What are some of the biggest benefits of being non-monogamous? What are some of the biggest challenges? How do relationship structures and agreements change over time in polyamory? Make sure to check out Leanne’s website, and connect with her on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok to learn more. Thank you to our sponsors! Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

It is hard to believe, but we recently reached episode number 200 of this podcast! So how do you celebrate 200 episodes of a sex show? I decided to put together a compilation of some of the most fascinating facts about sex we’ve discussed to date. One of my co-managing editors at Sex and Psychology, Olivia Adams, helped me to narrow down several segments that are well worth revisiting. Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include: “Erotic self-focus” or the degree to which you turn yourself on, with guest Dr. Marta Meana (Episode 126) The growing number of men who are involuntarily celibate, with guest William Costello (Episode 133) What women are looking for in their affairs (and how they feel about them), with guest Susan Shapiro Barash (Episode 191) How religious values shape the way we interpret our own porn use, with guest Dr. Joshua Grubbs (Episode 186) The benefits of being single and how they change with age, with guest Dr. Yuthika Girme (Episode 174) In this show, I mentioned that there’s a guide for how to use this podcast as a companion teaching resource alongside my textbook, The Psychology of Human Sexuality. This resource is already up on the site, and you can access it here.  Thank you to our sponsors! CHEEX is a subscription-based sexual wellness platform offering a safe space for both entertainment and education. You’ll find sex tutorials, live workshops, erotic films and audio stories, as well as a taboo-breaking magazine. Try CHEEX for free for 7 days when you select the annual subscription option and use discount code LEHMILLER. Visit https://getcheex.com to get started. Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Humans are wired to feel good when we get the kind of touch that we want. But when we can’t get that, it’s bad for both our physical and psychological health. Prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, most Americans said that they weren’t getting enough intimacy and affection, and this number has only increased since. So how can we fill this touch void in our lives? Could modern technology offer some solutions?  In today’s show, we’re going to discuss digital touch and whether tech might offer new and effective ways to meet our need for intimate contact. I am joined once again by Dr. Michael Banissy, an award-winning Professor in Social Neuroscience and a science communicator. He has received multiple prizes for his contributions to Psychological Science, including a medal from the British Psychological Society. Touch Matters: Handshakes, Hugs, and the New Science on How Touch Can Enhance Your Well-Being is his first book (note that in the UK, his book is titled When We Touch). Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include: Why is touch crucial to making virtual reality an immersive experience? How close is modern technology to mimicking real-life sensations of touch? To what extent can technology be an effective substitute for human touch? Is it realistic to think we can get the same benefits from mechanical touch that we can from human touch? What are the ethical concerns surrounding digital touch? Make sure to check out Michael’s website to learn more, and connect with him on Twitter and Instagram. Thank you to our sponsors! Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

One of the keys to maintaining healthy, long-term romantic relationships is physical intimacy. I’m not just talking about sex, though. For many reasons, non-sexual physical intimacy is just as important, if not more so. In today’s show, we’re going to do a deep dive into why touch is so powerful, as well as why affectionate touch is one of the best ways to initiate sex and to have great sex. We’re also going to explore practical tips for bringing more touch into your relationships. I am joined by Dr. Michael Banissy, an award-winning Professor in Social Neuroscience and a science communicator. He has received multiple prizes for his contributions to Psychological Science, including a medal from the British Psychological Society. Touch Matters: Handshakes, Hugs, and the New Science on How Touch Can Enhance Your Well-Being is his first book (note that in the UK, his book is titled When We Touch). Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include: Why is kissing such an important part of intimate touch? How does culture influence our preferred forms of intimate touch? How and why is hugging beneficial for our relationships? Why is touch so important during sexual initiation? How can physical affection help to unlock the benefits of sex on our well-being? What does it mean to “make affection, not love?” Make sure to check out Michael’s website to learn more, and connect with him on Twitter and Instagram. Thank you to our sponsors! Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Let’s talk about sexual fantasies! In today’s show, we’re going to explore what people fantasize about doing sexually—and how that varies around the world. So how does culture influence what we fantasize about? We’re also going to discuss how people feel about their fantasies, where our fantasies come from, and how they change over the course of our lives. In addition, we’ll talk about some practical tips and tricks for sharing fantasies with a partner in case you’re interested in bringing them to life. I am joined once again by Mariëlle de Goede, a psychologist and researcher from Amsterdam. From 2018 to 2021, she and her colleagues at Company New Heroes conducted the largest ever study of sexual fantasies in the Netherlands and Belgium as part of a creative project titled Yes, Please! They interviewed over 400 people about their fantasies and subsequently published a Dutch-language book about their findings under the same name. Some of the topics we discuss include: How similar or different are sexual fantasy themes around the world? Why do Europeans seem to fantasize about cuckolding less than Americans? How might our political beliefs affect our fantasies? How do people feel about their sexual fantasies? What do we know about the origins of our fantasies? What’s the best way to share a fantasy with a partner? Head over to Company New Heroes’ website and Instagram page to learn more. You can also check out the Instagram and website for Yes, Please! Additionally, Mariëlle’s book can be found on the publisher’s website and on Amazon. Thank you to our sponsors! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Let therapy be your map and get on your way to being your best self with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/SEXANDPSYCH to get 10% off your first month.  The Modern Sex Therapy Institutes is one of the leading sex therapy certification programs in the world, meets all AASECT certification requirements, has 12 other specialty certifications, and a Ph.D. program in Clinical Sexology. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to learn more. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.