Help Me Be Me

A shorthand version of changing a trauma or hurt from a scar into a medal. I’ve covered this in other episodes but I thought it would be helpful in this format - it's condensed for in-the-moment application. I used these steps myself recently and it works! So this is if anyone has had something really traumatic happen to them that hurts them and you can tell it’s one of those sore spots that makes you cry really hard. I want you to practice these steps around that experience as soon as it has happened. It will likely have to do with your powerlessness in the face of something excruciating – and your inability to change that. For more of my work including the blog version of this podcast, head to YayWithMe.com To donate head to Yaywithme.com/donate Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When we don’t feel safe, we tend to panic. Especially if you lack the innate knowledge that you will be okay. So when external events happen that take our sense of safety away – it can lead you into a state of intense suffering that then deepens into a state of hopelessness. This is when external hardship is really damaging. However – you can foster an innate sense of resilience – by practicing steps and thoughts despite yourself. So if you are in that state, of if you want to preempt it – here are some steps for you to take. If you want to read more of my writing, to make a donation, and for more helpful resources, check out YayWithMe.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today I have to honor of speaking with Billy Merritt, actor, writer, improviser– and one of the founding fathers of The Swarm at The Upright Citizens Brigade, an improv comedy theater and school, well known in LA and NY. Today we are going to talk about lots of things – but in particular, how the tools of improv can help you be more present and comfortable in your own skin on and off the stage. For more about Billy, check out The Smokes - Monday at UCB Franklin in Los Angeles or The Swarm, the first Saturday of every month at UCB Sunset, or find him on Twitter @BillyMerritt Heads up! We got cut off during our first recording session so you'll hear the sound change as we pick back up about half way through. Sorry if we repeat a few things - but I think you'll enjoy nonetheless! To work with me or to find more of my writing and podcasts, check out Yaywithme.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi friends, in this episode I answer 3 questions: what to do if you’re stuck and you can’t figure out what you’re passionate about. What to do when you are stuck in a pit of hopelessness and despair and you feel ashamed and can’t seem to get a break. What to do if you are stuck, depressed and you really don’t have any good friendships. I hope this gives you some relief! I know a lot of these issues are really big, chronic ones and the solutions will not be quick and easy – but if this was your question, I want to say whatever you do – don’t stop trying. I believe eventually you fill find your cocktail solution. It just takes persistence and a teaspoon of luck, which can be arrived at via trial and error. Xo Sarah May B. For more of my writing, my one-on-one plans, my books and other resources check out YayWithMe.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s hard to be yourself – it takes work. There’s a lot of emotional and thought clutter that gets in the way – especially when you are so wholeheartedly pursuing your best self! This is for anyone who’s been working on themselves and feeling like they’re not happy, not where they want to be, and stuck. Simple shifts in perspective and brain vs body balance can be the difference between lightness and darkness: like changing the channel in your brain when viewing your life. For more of my podcasts and blogs check out YayWithMe.com xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode I answer 3 audience questions: What do you do if you can’t stop focusing on your ex and whether or not they’re with someone new? Do we have multiple soul-mates and how do I know if I should fight for my ex? When can I start dating again if I went through a breakup 4 months ago? Got a question? LMK! contact@yaywithme.com If you are interested in learning more about mindfulness based therapies check out this book: http://amzn.to/2t4UHq6 And if you want more research about how to be happier, check out this book: http://amzn.to/2s1bjPy And here’s a link to some helpful ways to stop obsessive thoughts: https://www.get.gg/step6.htm And for more of my work including the blog version of my podcast, check out YayWithMe.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is for anyone who has a super tumultuous relationship with a sibling, one that that defies all logic. It’s to give you context for a lot of common sibling issues and also some tools for clarity and staying firmly balanced on the ground. Just a heads up, I am talking mostly about adult sibling rivalry – though you might gain something from this if you’re listening because of your kids. I will touch on how these conflicts are formed early on in life. For more of my writing head to https://www.YayWithMe.com and for my references for this episode check out: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2009/12/oh_brother.html http://amzn.to/2skMf5r https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199301/adult-sibling-rivalry Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A practice of getting closer to your original self. Analysis, ambivalence, endless "stuff." Checking, pursuing, not knowing if any of it is right. When will I finally be happy? When I finish this thing? But then there’s that other thing I have to do. Hi friends! This power-up is a set of tools all about trimming out the mental work we create for ourselves and getting closer to your playful, original self. That mental work that seems to go in circles. In favor of something deeper and possibly more rewarding. For more personal play and exploration - here are a few books I enjoyed. xo Jung on dream analysis http://amzn.to/2rOrX3U Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu http://amzn.to/2s7gwSe Bodhisattva mind http://amzn.to/2quH3aQ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forgiveness is a monumental practice because it really guides a lot of what you believe in your life -about the world, love, relationships and also yourself. I’ve said this before but truly the reason to forgive is for you: because it’s kind of like being stabbed and then keeping that knife in your body. Forgiveness is something only you can decide you are ready to do, but it’s also something only appropriate in certain situations. It comes from a pure and genuine goal created for the right reasons, with all the practical information at hand. For example, you might want to forgive your ex for breaking your heart, but you can’t force that until you are ready to accept and move on. Another example of a situation that might be best left for processing but not forgiveness – is chronic abuse. This is a situation when we are likely to blame ourselves – so it’s really vital to lean into anger and claim that blame. When it comes to other deep wounds, when we prematurely choose to forgive it’s often because some part of us wants to skip over the pain of confrontation – looking at how bad we really hurt. When we want to forgive because the emotions associated with a certain event bring us BELOW the level of who we know we are, that is a mature and profound decision – one made from your highest self. This is something we all get to choose: basically, to align ourselves with who we know we are. What I want to do with this episode is really pose that invitation in a way that might get you closer to the reality of processing or forgiving – or knowing where you need to place a hurt from your past. References: Triumph of Heart http://amzn.to/2pt308G The science of forgiveness http://www.salon.com/2015/08/24/the_science_of_forgiveness_when_you_dont_forgive_you_release_all_the_chemicals_of_the_stress_response/ Haven’t read this myself but this is by the guy who heads up the Stanford Forgiveness Project which does a lot of good research. http://amzn.to/2qZy5Tt Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Contrary to popular belief, fights are not better talked out to the bitter end and happiness and intimacy are not the result of more loving couples. It really comes down to how you manage these perpetual fights. I want to give you the main reasons people end separating or remain happy and together - based a couple different disciplines of research. Because a lot of what is the most damaging, isn’t obvious or calculated by a person. It’s totally accidental. When we have the same arguments and we start to get distant, it’s often because we don’t want to fight and we have a sense of dread around a repeated loop, so the distance is like a no-war zone between two foreign cultures. And the SHITTY news is when you get distant, your relationship is actually in the most trouble – because both parties are no longer demonstrating an investment in the bond. This is when you stop identifying as a couple and you start thinking in terms of me, the individual. And with that solo identity you start to focus on goals as an individual and not as a couple. Your focus redefines your past together as crappy – you see things from a personal interest standpoint. So if you guys are feeling distant and resentful, this is an episode for you! Caveat: I want to stress that this is NOT for people with abusive partners. Domestic violence is not something that I recommend using these tools for – if you’re in an abusive relationship, my heart goes out to you. If you like this episode, check the Gottman Institute for more! A lot of this is from his work. For more of my writing and the blog version of this post, check out Yaywithme.com (the blogs will be posted a bit later than the podcasts). Book references: Couples counselor questionnaire: goo.gl/zWndxG How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It http://amzn.to/2oOqmqP John Gottman’s most popular book: http://amzn.to/2o3HxHU The Gottman Institute – all their good, short articles. gottman.com A book by the creator of Imago: http://amzn.to/2onby1d What to look for in a couples counselor: http://www.marriagefriendlytherapists.com/whattolookfor.php Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices