HBR On Leadership Asking for Help When Others Look to You for Answers
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Feb 4, 2026 Wayne Baker, sociologist and professor emeritus at the University of Michigan, studies workplace helping and wrote All You Have to Ask. He explains why people avoid asking for help and how thoughtful requests can increase perceived competence. He contrasts learning-focused versus solution-seeking asks. He outlines practical tools like SMART requests, Reciprocity Rings, and habits leaders can model to normalize asking.
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Asking Increases Perceived Competence
- Thoughtful requests make you appear more competent, not less.
- Most people are willing to help if asked, but many never ask.
The iPhone Fix That Left Him Clueless
- Wayne Baker recounts asking his teenage son to fix his iPhone and being handed the device back.
- He got the result but didn't learn the steps, illustrating dependent help‑seeking.
Generosity And Reciprocity Shape Help
- Overly generous givers under-ask and miss resources they need.
- Selfish takers erode help over time because others stop reciprocating.
