The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast Grieving Wholeheartedly with Audrey Davidheiser
May 4, 2026
Audrey Davidheiser, a licensed psychologist and certified IFS therapist who treats trauma and religious trauma, returns with insights from her book on grief. She discusses how protectors make grief pile up and how to negotiate small, manageable doses of mourning. Conversations include honoring parts that still yearn for the deceased, cultural and faith-based barriers to grieving, and practical ways to invite grief safely.
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Avoiding Grief Lets Losses Accumulate
- Avoiding grief causes losses to pile up in parts and leads to crises later.
- Audrey explains protectors create reasons to postpone grieving until months or decades accumulate, producing explosions of drinking, crying, or suicidal despair.
Negotiate A Small Taste Of Grief With Protectors
- Negotiate with protector parts about a manageable portion of grief to allow in.
- Audrey recommends offering a percentage (e.g., 5–10%) or short time-limited taste so protectors feel safe while exiles are met.
Bridge Checked-Out Parts To Buried Grief
- Introduce the checking-out part to the exile holding grief to create empathy and change behavior.
- Audrey suggests saying to the check-out part that another buried part is suffering so the protector can respond with concern rather than avoidance.
