Front Row Dads with Jon Vroman

The Road Less Triggered: Turning Conflict into Connection | Dr. Kelly Flanagan

12 snips
Mar 11, 2026
Dr. Kelly Flanagan, clinical psychologist and author of The Road Less Triggered, shares stories from two decades helping relationships. He explores why people shut down, how to notice and reopen your heart in tense moments, setting open-hearted boundaries, delaying defensiveness, and practical ways to rehearse responses and repair connection.
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ANECDOTE

Pool Mishap Led To A Broken Collarbone And A Resolution

  • Kelly broke his collarbone after a triggered bike ride following a backyard pool mishap that left him enraged and shaking his relationships.
  • That injury and Michael Singer's line about not closing your heart catalysed his New Year's resolution to notice and try to reopen his heart moment to moment.
INSIGHT

Open Heart Makes Boundaries Wiser

  • An open heart does not equal lack of boundaries; it makes boundaries wiser and less controlling.
  • Kelly explains that many wait until their heart closes to set boundaries, which starts a battle; leading with an open-hearted expression of wants often prevents escalation.
ADVICE

Delay Defensiveness By Naming It Aloud

  • When you feel defensiveness arise, pause and name it out loud to disrupt the impulse to attack.
  • Kelly recommends confessing the defensive urge or leaving to calm down, then returning to confess and repair the interaction.
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