The Mark Groves Podcast #505: Stop Going Back to What Hurts You
Mar 30, 2026
A deep look at why people keep returning to the same hurtful relationships and patterns. Shame and unresolved grief are explored as hidden drivers of relapse. The conversation reframes going back as a sign of unfinished healing and highlights building self-trust and learning to choose yourself.
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Relapse Reveals Unfinished Healing
- Returning to an ex or relapse isn't literal backward motion but reveals an open door to unhealed material.
- Mark Groves explains these repeats expose unresolved grief and shame that must be processed, not punished.
Shame Keeps Grief From Transforming
- Shame often paralyzes people and prevents processing the feeling that drives relapse.
- Mark Groves says shame perpetuates avoidance, while the felt emotion needs to be saddled, processed, and transformed.
Client Kept Returning To A Narcissist
- Mark Groves shares a case of someone repeatedly reuniting with a narcissistic ex to illustrate the cycle.
- The person broke up and reconnected many times, showing a pattern of seeking familiar pain instead of new safety.
