Robert Waldinger ON: Why We Struggle to Connect & How to Stop Toxic Habits from Breaking Our Spirit

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Feb 6, 2023

In this engaging conversation, Robert Waldinger, a Harvard psychiatry professor and director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, shares insights on the critical role of relationships in our happiness. He discusses the impact of stressful connections on our well-being and emphasizes the importance of in-person interactions over virtual ones. Waldinger also explores emotional safety in relationships, the significance of self-reflection, and offers practical advice for managing toxic family dynamics, promoting personal growth through open dialogue.

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ADVICE

Check In With Yourself

Check in with yourself to identify activities that boost or drain your energy.
Turn towards energy-raising activities to align with your true self.

ANECDOTE

Supporting Life Changes

Jay Shetty's friend faced negativity when announcing a move, highlighting a lack of support.
This negativity can discourage individuals and create distance in relationships.

ADVICE

Cultivate Curiosity

Cultivate curiosity in relationships, even with those you know well.
Look for new things you haven't noticed before to deepen understanding.

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You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.

Today, I am talking to Robert Waldinger, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, and co-founder of the Lifespan Research Foundation. Dr. Waldinger received his AB from Harvard College and his MD from Harvard Medical School. Dr. Waldinger is a practicing psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, and he directs a psychotherapy teaching program for Harvard psychiatry residents. He's also a zen master and teaches meditation in New England and around the world. And he is the co-author of the book, The Good Life: Lessons From the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness.

Robert shares his expertise on adult happiness. We go back and forth with our thoughts on the effects of chronically stressful relationships on our physical body as well as our mental and emotional health, why we should stop minding what people think about us and instead start checking in with ourselves, and the pros and cons of engaging in personal development and being open to changes.

What We Discuss:

00:00:00 Intro
00:03:23 The pros and cons of remote conversations
00:05:16 This 75-Year Harvard Study
00:13:10 The three flavors of happiness
00:17:45 Turn to activities that are enlivening
00:20:18 We’re not trained to look inward
00:26:23 Take note of the things that are evolving
00:35:32 When you’re living with people that causes you stress
00:40:14 Active re-imagining of life from a different time
00:47:03 Chronically stressful relationships break down the body
00:53:30 Looking at the long view when dealing with relationships
01:01:00 Socio-emotional learning
01:02:57 How do we keep our relationships in shape?
01:06:02 Security of attachment for introverts and extroverts

Episode Resources

Robert Waldinger | Website
Robert Waldinger | Facebook
Robert Waldinger | Twitter
Robert Waldinger | LinkedIn

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