the goop podcast Abbie Schiller on Identity Grief: What It Is and How To Move Through It
May 12, 2026
Abbie Schiller, a goal coach, author, and certified death doula who helps people navigate life transitions, explores identity grief after major life changes. She defines how it shows up, why change feels dangerous, and maps grief stages onto identity loss. Practical tools include naming the loss, setting new goals, reframing your story, and diversifying your sense of self.
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Identity Grief Is Real And Often Unnamed
- Identity grief is the mourning that follows the end of a role, chapter, or version of yourself.
- Abbie Schiller explains it often goes unnamed, making people feel 'gutted' and unable to recognize they're in a genuine mourning process.
Anxiety Can Be A Stage Of Identity Grief
- Anxiety is a common early symptom of unnamed identity loss and can look like hypervigilance about the future.
- Schiller cites Claire Bidwell-Smith's framing of anxiety as a stage of grief and David Kessler's addition of meaning as a later stage.
How Anticipating Lasts Led To Unexpected Gains
- Schiller anticipated her daughter's leaving by noticing 'lasts' all year and felt heavy loss in the moment.
- Four years later she gained an adult relationship, more time, and an unexpected rescue dog, illustrating gains can arrive later.