S1E63: Forced to kowtow until he bled: Why some men stay in abusive marriages

Jan 27, 2026

Josiah Yeo, a counsellor who runs the Man Kinship Circle supporting men facing domestic abuse, shares why more men are speaking up. He recounts extreme humiliation cases and explains why men stay in abusive marriages. Short talks cover how peer support differs from therapy, when men decide to leave, and dating red flags to watch for.

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INSIGHT

Awareness Sparked By High-Profile Case

The Johnny Depp defamation case and post-pandemic openness increased awareness of male spousal abuse in Singapore.
Men began recognising their pain as serious and felt more permission to seek help.

INSIGHT

Community Over Clinic For Men

LCCS's kinship circles focus on giving abused men a voice, empowerment, and community support rather than solely clinical intervention.
Shared male experiences help men reach the tipping point to make difficult decisions.

ANECDOTE

Extremely Violent Example And Social Ridicule

One man was beaten with golf clubs, forced to slap himself, and made to kowtow 30 times before being let into his home.
Friends laughed at him until he started handing out his medical injury report to prove the abuse.

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A counsellor of a support group reveals why some men choose to tolerate physical, emotional and psychological abuse in their marriages.

Synopsis: On Wednesdays, The Straits Times takes a hard look at Singapore's social issues of the day with guests.

Spousal abuse cases in Singapore rose significantly in 2024 to 2,136, up from 2,008 such cases in 2023, according to the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF).

While official figures did not give a breakdown of these cases by gender, the defamation case of Johnny Depp against his ex-wife Amber Heard and post-Covid-19 awareness have encouraged more men to step forward, said a counsellor who runs a specialised support group for battered husbands.

To find out more in this episode, assistant podcast editor Lynda Hong speaks with Josiah Yeo, a counsellor at Lutheran Community Care Services (LCCS), who started its support group for abused husbands in 2022.

Mr Yeo details how one of the abused husbands in the support group was beaten with golf clubs and made to slap himself in public. He was even locked out of the house and made to kowtow in front of the door 30 times, before he could get into his home.

Apart from abusive marriages, Mr Yeo also gives some pre-marital advice on what are some red flags to look out for, especially in the dating stage.

Highlights (click/tap above):

1:49 Impact of Johnny Depp’s defamation suit on men in Singapore

9:31 When do abused husbands finally walk away from a marriage?

14:05 Why men don’t confide in their friends

18:40 Three reasons men stay in abusive marriage

19:11 Breaking the "bro code": How to check on a friend without making it awkward

32:39 Dating red flags - how to spot a potential abusive spouse

Read more on abused spouses: https://str.sg/aqjX

Helplines

Family violence

National Anti-Violence & Sexual Harassment Helpline: 1800-777-0000 (24 hours)
AWARE Helpline: 1800-777-5555 (weekdays, 10am to 6pm)
Care Corner Project StART: 6476-1482 (weekdays 10am-1pm, 2pm-5pm; except public holidays)
TOUCH Family Support: 6317-9998
Lutheran Community Care Services: 6441-3906 / connect@lccs.org.sg

Mental well-being

National Mindline: 1771 (24 hours) / 6669-1771 (via WhatsApp)
Samaritans of Singapore: 1-767 (24 hours) / 9151-1767 (24 hours CareText via WhatsApp)
Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019
Silver Ribbon Singapore: 6386-1928
Chat, Centre of Excellence for Youth Mental Health: 6493-6500/1
Women’s Helpline (Aware): 1800-777-5555 (weekdays, 10am to 6pm)
The Seniors Helpline: 1800-555-5555 (weekdays, 9am to 5pm)
Tinkle Friend (for primary school-age children): 1800-2744-788

Counselling