Why men ignore red flags in love

Josiah explains emotional attachment and beliefs about marriage lead men to overlook warning signs.

Play episode from 39:09

chevron_right

Transcript

chevron_right

Transcript

Episode notes

A counsellor of a support group reveals why some men choose to tolerate physical, emotional and psychological abuse in their marriages.

Synopsis: On Wednesdays, The Straits Times takes a hard look at Singapore's social issues of the day with guests.

Spousal abuse cases in Singapore rose significantly in 2024 to 2,136, up from 2,008 such cases in 2023, according to the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF).

While official figures did not give a breakdown of these cases by gender, the defamation case of Johnny Depp against his ex-wife Amber Heard and post-Covid-19 awareness have encouraged more men to step forward, said a counsellor who runs a specialised support group for battered husbands.

To find out more in this episode, assistant podcast editor Lynda Hong speaks with Josiah Yeo, a counsellor at Lutheran Community Care Services (LCCS), who started its support group for abused husbands in 2022.

Mr Yeo details how one of the abused husbands in the support group was beaten with golf clubs and made to slap himself in public. He was even locked out of the house and made to kowtow in front of the door 30 times, before he could get into his home.

Apart from abusive marriages, Mr Yeo also gives some pre-marital advice on what are some red flags to look out for, especially in the dating stage.

Highlights (click/tap above):

1:49 Impact of Johnny Depp’s defamation suit on men in Singapore

9:31 When do abused husbands finally walk away from a marriage?

14:05 Why men don’t confide in their friends

18:40 Three reasons men stay in abusive marriage

19:11 Breaking the "bro code": How to check on a friend without making it awkward

32:39 Dating red flags - how to spot a potential abusive spouse

Read more on abused spouses: https://str.sg/aqjX

Helplines

Family violence

National Anti-Violence & Sexual Harassment Helpline: 1800-777-0000 (24 hours)
AWARE Helpline: 1800-777-5555 (weekdays, 10am to 6pm)
Care Corner Project StART: 6476-1482 (weekdays 10am-1pm, 2pm-5pm; except public holidays)
TOUCH Family Support: 6317-9998
Lutheran Community Care Services: 6441-3906 / connect@lccs.org.sg

Mental well-being

National Mindline: 1771 (24 hours) / 6669-1771 (via WhatsApp)
Samaritans of Singapore: 1-767 (24 hours) / 9151-1767 (24 hours CareText via WhatsApp)
Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019
Silver Ribbon Singapore: 6386-1928
Chat, Centre of Excellence for Youth Mental Health: 6493-6500/1
Women’s Helpline (Aware): 1800-777-5555 (weekdays, 10am to 6pm)
The Seniors Helpline: 1800-555-5555 (weekdays, 9am to 5pm)
Tinkle Friend (for primary school-age children): 1800-2744-788

Counselling