“I need it. No, I really need it.”
Whether it’s a toy, a treat, or something trending, many parents have that moment of thinking, that’s definitely not a need.
But beneath the meltdowns and intensity is something deeper.
This isn’t just about kids being dramatic, it’s about brain development, emotional regulation, and learning to handle discomfort.
In this episode, Jennifer explains why children genuinely feel like they need what they want, and how their developing brains make it hard to tell the difference.
She explores how impulse control, dopamine, and emotional intensity all play a role and how parents can respond with both empathy and clear boundaries.
Because while it’s important to hold the limit, it’s just as important to acknowledge the feeling behind it.
For a child, in that moment… it really does feel like a need.
Jennifer's Takeaways:
- Understanding Needs vs. Wants in Parenting (00:00)
- The Role of Parents as Substitute Frontal Lobes (02:19)
- Pleasure vs. Happiness and the Novelty Trap (04:45)
- Modeling Delayed Gratification and Practical Tools (08:24)
- Gratitude Reflection and Emotional Maturity (12:23)
Meet Jennifer Kolari
Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.
Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.
Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.
Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.
One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).