Polycurious 68. Having Three DADT Partners with Alex & Skyler
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Dec 16, 2025 Discover the complexities of juggling three Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell relationships as Alex and Skyler share their journeys. Skyler discusses transitioning from a long-term marriage to non-monogamy, while Alex reveals how she found love amidst her divorce. They explore the balance of hierarchy and independence in relationships, the emotional challenges each partner faces, and the importance of transparency about future goals. Their candid advice offers insights for anyone navigating the intricate world of polyamory.
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DADT Plus Non-Hierarchy Creates Hidden Tension
- Combining don't-ask-don't-tell with non-hierarchy can create unique tensions around clarity and future planning.
- Lack of shared visibility makes it hard for partners to know where they stand and risks prolonged waiting.
Good Intentions Don't Remove Complexity
- Even with honest intentions, well-meaning non-monogamy can still lead to complicated, painful outcomes.
- Transparency doesn't erase complexity when partners have different life timelines and needs.
Community Norms Can Stifle Experimentation
- Poly communities can judge different ethical approaches, which may push people to hide or defend private arrangements.
- Skyler argues people should experiment and use ethics that work for them rather than follow strict community norms.
