Negotiate Anything Why People-Pleasing Makes You Lose Yourself (And How to Get Back)
Sep 8, 2025
Ingrid Clayton, a psychologist, trauma therapist, and author of 'Fawning,' discusses the toxic cycle of people-pleasing. She reveals how fawning trauma rewires our nervous systems, often trapping us in unhealthy relationships. Ingrid emphasizes the importance of personal agency for setting real boundaries and highlights the significance of self-connection in healing. Also explored are the pitfalls of toxic positivity, embracing difficult emotions, and the journey toward self-acceptance. This conversation is a powerful guide to reclaiming your true self.
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Reprocess Trauma With Body-Based Therapies
- Use trauma therapies (EMDR, somatic experiencing, IFS) to bring story-level awareness into the body.
- Reprocess trapped nervous-system responses before expecting lasting behavioral change.
Build Inner Safety Before Setting Boundaries
- Build internal safety before demanding behavioral change like saying no; practice tolerating discomfort first.
- Train your nervous system to discern discomfort from real danger through small, tolerated steps.
Skills Follow From Restored Internal Authority
- Skills like negotiation arise naturally once internal authority and autonomy are rebuilt from the body up.
- Coaching that gives answers can perpetuate fawning by keeping safety outside the client.
