The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett Secret Service Agent: Never Label Someone A Narcissist! This Habit Makes People Hate Talking To You!
Dec 1, 2025
01:21:37
Ex-Secret Service interrogator DESMOND O’NEILL reveals the 4-step formula for difficult conversations, how to decode narcissism, the secret to communication and real connection - AND debunks the biggest myths about interrogation!
Desmond O’Neill is a former special agent for the US Secret Service with over 30 years of experience in negotiation and interrogation. He has worked for the High-Value Detainee Interrogation Group (HIG) training and conducting research on interrogation, and is a co-instructor for the online platform ‘Beyond Bulletproof’, covering influence, communication, and confidence.
He explains:
◼️Why you should never label someone a narcissist
◼️The No.1 habit silently ruining your communication
◼️Why “me me me” syndrome is sabotaging your relationships
◼️How gaslighting really works, and how to shut it down fast
◼️Why your brain lies to you when emotions take over
00:00 Intro
04:48 What Are Your Experiences?
06:23 Experience With Violent Interrogation
08:34 How Do I Have a Difficult Conversation?
09:58 How to Spot When Someone Is Gaslighting You
11:19 PLAN Framework
14:58 The Hardest Conversations You've Had to Navigate
19:40 If They Do This, They're Lying
21:52 Be a Better Listener
24:08 Controlling Comes From Listening, Not Talking
24:33 Asking Questions
28:38 Obvious Body Language to Look Out For
31:28 Finding Resolution With People
33:38 What if They Start Insulting You
35:31 How to Keep Your Emotions in Check
37:07 How to Stay in Control
40:11 Me Me Me Syndrome
43:06 Ads
44:08 How to Get Someone to Open Up
46:30 The Difference Between Manipulation and Influence
48:49 Influencing People
51:27 How to Build Trust
55:03 How Do You Get Trust Back?
55:27 How to Be a Great Leader
56:36 Making Decisions
1:01:02 Own Your Decisions
1:05:29 Ads
1:07:39 Building Rapport
1:11:47 Main Takeaways
1:13:33 Don't Tell People You Understand
1:17:14 What Decision Do You Most Regret?
You can learn more about ‘Beyond Bulletproof’, here: https://bit.ly/43SKyMW
The Diary Of A CEO:
◼️Join DOAC circle here - https://doaccircle.com/
◼️Buy The Diary Of A CEO book here - https://smarturl.it/DOACbook
◼️The 1% Diary is back - limited time only: https://bit.ly/3YFbJbt
◼️The Diary Of A CEO Conversation Cards (Second Edition): https://g2ul0.app.link/f31dsUttKKb
◼️Get email updates - https://bit.ly/diary-of-a-ceo-yt
◼️Follow Steven - https://g2ul0.app.link/gnGqL4IsKKb
Sponsors:
Adobe - https://Adobe.Ly/OneBetter
Rubrik: To learn more, head to https://rubrik.com
Function Health: https://Functionhealth.com/DOAC to sign up for $365 a year. One dollar a day for your health.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theexperienceplus.substack.com
Desmond O’Neill is a former special agent for the US Secret Service with over 30 years of experience in negotiation and interrogation. He has worked for the High-Value Detainee Interrogation Group (HIG) training and conducting research on interrogation, and is a co-instructor for the online platform ‘Beyond Bulletproof’, covering influence, communication, and confidence.
He explains:
◼️Why you should never label someone a narcissist
◼️The No.1 habit silently ruining your communication
◼️Why “me me me” syndrome is sabotaging your relationships
◼️How gaslighting really works, and how to shut it down fast
◼️Why your brain lies to you when emotions take over
00:00 Intro
04:48 What Are Your Experiences?
06:23 Experience With Violent Interrogation
08:34 How Do I Have a Difficult Conversation?
09:58 How to Spot When Someone Is Gaslighting You
11:19 PLAN Framework
14:58 The Hardest Conversations You've Had to Navigate
19:40 If They Do This, They're Lying
21:52 Be a Better Listener
24:08 Controlling Comes From Listening, Not Talking
24:33 Asking Questions
28:38 Obvious Body Language to Look Out For
31:28 Finding Resolution With People
33:38 What if They Start Insulting You
35:31 How to Keep Your Emotions in Check
37:07 How to Stay in Control
40:11 Me Me Me Syndrome
43:06 Ads
44:08 How to Get Someone to Open Up
46:30 The Difference Between Manipulation and Influence
48:49 Influencing People
51:27 How to Build Trust
55:03 How Do You Get Trust Back?
55:27 How to Be a Great Leader
56:36 Making Decisions
1:01:02 Own Your Decisions
1:05:29 Ads
1:07:39 Building Rapport
1:11:47 Main Takeaways
1:13:33 Don't Tell People You Understand
1:17:14 What Decision Do You Most Regret?
You can learn more about ‘Beyond Bulletproof’, here: https://bit.ly/43SKyMW
The Diary Of A CEO:
◼️Join DOAC circle here - https://doaccircle.com/
◼️Buy The Diary Of A CEO book here - https://smarturl.it/DOACbook
◼️The 1% Diary is back - limited time only: https://bit.ly/3YFbJbt
◼️The Diary Of A CEO Conversation Cards (Second Edition): https://g2ul0.app.link/f31dsUttKKb
◼️Get email updates - https://bit.ly/diary-of-a-ceo-yt
◼️Follow Steven - https://g2ul0.app.link/gnGqL4IsKKb
Sponsors:
Adobe - https://Adobe.Ly/OneBetter
Rubrik: To learn more, head to https://rubrik.com
Function Health: https://Functionhealth.com/DOAC to sign up for $365 a year. One dollar a day for your health.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theexperienceplus.substack.com