Savage Love Episode 1009

Mar 10, 2026

Listeners wrestle with the fallout of the Epstein revelations and how trauma can blunt desire. A man describes an odd condom-related erectile problem that sparks practical advice. Conversations explore guilt around age-gap kink and the ethics of consent. A trans comedian reflects on confronting misogyny and performance. A woman preparing to leave an abusive marriage seeks encouragement and hope.

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INSIGHT

Consensual Daddy Dynamics Are Not Inherently Abusive

Older-younger consensual kink can be ethical when both parties are adults and have agency.
Dan Savage contrasts consensual dom/daddy dynamics with Epstein-style abuse, emphasizing consent, respect, and context.

ADVICE

Vet Kink Partners With Extra Conversation

When seeking kink partners, err on the side of more conversation, time, and hand-wringing to ensure genuine consent.
Use apps with clear age ranges and explicit negotiation before play to reduce coercion risk.

ADVICE

Protect Your Libido By Separating News From Your Sex Life

If news about abuse is wrecking your libido, take a break from news and intentionally separate consensual adult sex from abuse.
Lean into healthy sex with consenting adults to reinforce the difference and restore desire over time.

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Naturally, on this sex and relationship podcast, many of you are thinking about the Epstein files. One caller used to be a dom/daddy for younger women who sought him out and enjoyed themselves. Still he feels guilty. And another caller is having their libido crash when they read the news.

Meanwhile a straight man has discovered a bizarre and rare disorder: he goes limp when he has to put a condom on. Somebody make a documentary about this guy!

On the Magnum, a trans woman is grappling with the anger she feels at cis and non-binary people. Dan brings on trans, queer comedian and writer Hayden Johnson, to offer advice and to commiserate. They talk about how being a trans woman forces you to confront misogyny, the jarring difference in how people treat you when you present as a man vs. a woman, and how fun it is to mess with people's heads onstage as a trans comic.

And, a 34 year-old woman is leaving her abusive husband. She knows it's the right thing to do, but worries she won't get another shot at marriage and family. She asks for a pep talk from Dan Savage, and from YOU.

Leave her an inspiring comment!

Q@savage.love 206-302-2064

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Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From polyamory, to BDSM, gay rights to sexual health and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.