Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee

How to Build Exceptional Relationships and Why You Should with David Bradford and Carole Robin #177

Apr 27, 2021

Guest

David Bradford

Guest

Carole Robin

David Bradford and Carole Robin, renowned for their 45 and 25 years of teaching interpersonal skills at Stanford, share insights from their book on building exceptional relationships. They discuss the crucial concept of being 'over the net' in communications, emphasizing personal ownership of feelings. The duo highlights the risks of silence in relationships and shares their own journey through conflict. Listeners learn about the transformative power of open conversations and how authenticity can enhance both personal well-being and interpersonal connections.

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ANECDOTE

Robin's Husband

Carol Robin shares an example of how "over the net" communication created conflict with her husband.
By focusing on her feelings and his behavior, they improved communication.

ADVICE

Risk vs. Cost

Expressing feelings is a risk, but silence has a cost in relationships.
Open communication, even when difficult, can lead to stronger connections.

INSIGHT

Pinches and Crunches

Unvoiced feelings can escalate and create resentment.
Regularly addressing pinches prevents them from becoming crunches, as resentment grows.

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I believe that in many ways, the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. Good quality relationships help us with our physical health, our mental health and our happiness.

Today, I’m delighted to welcome two fantastic guests who are experts on how we can all build exceptional relationships. David Bradford and Carole Robin taught interpersonal skills to MBA students for a combined seventy-five years in their legendary Stanford course, Interpersonal Dynamics (affectionately known to students as “Touchy-Feely”). They have also coached and consulted with hundreds of executives all over the globe. Now, they’ve brought their invaluable lessons to all of us, in their fabulous book Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends and Colleagues.

We begin the conversation by defining what exceptional relationships are and why it is so important for us to have them in our lives. We talk about the concept of being ‘over the net’, which is a brilliant tool that you can use in interactions with others to make sure that you’re only ever owning your reality – not telling other people how they’re feeling or what they’re doing wrong. We talk about the risk involved in raising issues in a relationship and how we might prefer to avoid confrontation. But while there’s a risk in expressing your feelings, there is a cost to silence. David and Carole share a powerful example of a major setback in their own friendship, and how they managed to overcome it.

There’s much more to discover in this conversation, including thoughts on parent-child relationships, friendships that are no longer nourishing, and how we can improve our digital interactions. David and Carole’s world-famous course may be taught around leadership, but their wisdom is relevant to us all. I thoroughly enjoyed having this conversation and I hope you enjoy listening.

Show notes available at https://drchatterjee.com/177

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