I Wish You Knew

chevron_right

How Men and Women Deal with Breakups (And Maybe Forgive) |E36 | I Wish You Knew Podcast

whatshot 6 snips

Jul 5, 2024

Guest

Cole Zesiger

Cole Zesiger, a relationship advisor and breakup coach who helps people navigate separation and rebuild trust. He explores why breakups hurt from evolutionary and biochemical angles. He discusses forgiveness versus forgetting, how men and women process breakups differently, the role of accountability after infidelity, and practical steps for reconciliation and rebuilding life.

01:33:33

forum

Ask episode

web_stories

AI Snips

view_agenda

Chapters

menu_book

Books

auto_awesome

Transcript

info_circle

Episode notes

insights

INSIGHT

Forgiveness Frees You From An Internal Prison

Forgiveness is letting go of pain for yourself, not condoning the act, and prevents an ex from holding power over you.
Cole warns bitterness magnifies the offender in your mind, keeping you imprisoned by resentment.

volunteer_activism

ADVICE

Know Forgiveness When Their Power Is Gone

Gauge forgiveness by loss of the ex's emotional power over you, not by feeling warmth toward them.
Cole: indifference or gratitude with no strong negative reactions signals true forgiveness.

insights

INSIGHT

Gendered Timing In Grieving And Reconsideration

Men and women process breakups differently: women often face feelings sooner and move faster; men fall out of love slower and may distract themselves then reflect later.
Adam notes this biological pattern explains avoidant rebound behaviors and delayed regret.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Every Breakup Feels Equally Devastating

01:05 • 25sec

chevron_right

Why Breakups Hurt: Evolutionary and Biochemical Views

01:30 • 1min

chevron_right

Can Repeated Breakups Break You Permanently?

02:44 • 1min

chevron_right

How Friends Should Support Heartbreak

04:01 • 2min

chevron_right

Differences Between Breakup Initiators and Receivers

05:40 • 1min

chevron_right

Breakups Can Feel Like a Murdered Version of Your Partner

06:45 • 3min

chevron_right

Forgiveness Is Letting Go of Your Pain

09:26 • 1min

chevron_right

Forgiveness vs Forgetting and the 'Prison Guard' Analogy

10:53 • 2min

chevron_right

How to Know You've Forgiven Enough

12:51 • 2min

chevron_right

Gender Differences in Falling Out of Love

14:37 • 3min

chevron_right

Typical Post-Breakup Stages and Reconciliation Odds

Can Broken Relationships Be Repaired?

20:01 • 3min

chevron_right

Views on Divorce and Personal Experience

23:06 • 2min

chevron_right

Infidelity: Divorce Is Not Always Mandatory

25:35 • 3min

chevron_right

Proving Genuine Character Change After Affairs

28:42 • 4min

chevron_right

Morality Levels and Why Affairs Often Fail to Repair

32:23 • 2min

chevron_right

Turning Breakups Into Learning and Better Selection

34:18 • 5min

chevron_right

Practice, Iteration and Finding the Right Partner

39:30 • 10min

chevron_right

Mini Breakups Can Strengthen Relationships

49:25 • 3min

chevron_right

When to Break Up: Red Flags and Unchanging Issues

52:29 • 9min

chevron_right

Prenups: Protection or Relationship Harm?

Marriage Contracts Versus Legal Prenups

01:03:50 • 8min

chevron_right

Why Marriage Matters: Commitment for Growth

01:12:08 • 6min

chevron_right

Weekly Check-ins and Maintaining Relationship Health

01:17:46 • 7min

chevron_right

Rebuilding Life After Breakup: Practical Steps

• Mentioned in 59 episodes

Attached

The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love

Amir Levine

In this book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel Heller explore the science of adult attachment, a concept pioneered by John Bowlby. They identify three primary attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, and secure, each influencing how individuals approach relationships. The authors provide tools and communication strategies to help readers determine their own and their partner's attachment styles, navigate relationship challenges, and build more fulfilling and secure relationships. The book emphasizes that understanding attachment styles can help avoid mismatched relationships and foster a more secure and satisfying love life.

🎙️ Welcome to the latest episode of "I Wish You Knew" with Adam Lane Smith, the attachment specialist, Andrey Korikov, CEO and co-founder of Veritas Creative Media, and special guest Cole Zesiger, relationship advisor and coach.

Join us as we discuss the evolutionary reasons behind breakup pain, the necessity of behavioral changes for reconciliation, and the importance of accountability. We also delve into the differences in how men and women process breakups, the impact of infidelity, and the steps to rebuild trust and move on.

Don't miss this insightful episode filled with expert advice and practical tips for navigating the aftermath of a breakup and finding a path to healing and growth.

✨ Highlights You Can’t Miss:

👉 The impact of infidelity, and the importance of forgiveness and accountability in the aftermath.

👉 The emotional and psychological impact of breakups and why every breakup is equally hard.

👉 The evolutionary reasons behind why breakups are so painful

👉 The importance of community support in overcoming heartache and breakups.

👉 Practical tips for self-forgiveness and rebuilding trust after a breakup.

👉 The necessity of behavioral changes for successful reconciliation and avoiding the repetition of past mistakes.

👉 How different cultural practices can influence relationship dynamics and expectations.

Whether you're navigating the aftermath of a breakup, seeking to understand the emotional impact, or aiming to rebuild trust and move on, this episode offers profound and actionable insights you won’t want to miss! 🎧

If you enjoyed this episode, you will probably love our episode titled ‘Why Men Avoid Vulnerability’:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mXKcUsfwHU&ab_channel=IWishYouKnewPodcast

A special thanks to our sponsor Rugged Legacy Grooming Supply.

Look, Feel, and Be your best with personal hair, beard, and grooming products recommended by top relationship and style specialists. And, unlike other brands, Rugged Legacy designs its products with all-natural oils and scents, made right here in the USA.

Use code: IWYK20 for a 20% Exclusive I Wish You Knew Discount

https://ruggedlegacygrooming.com/

Want to become one of the 2% of content creators who make over a million dollars a year? Veritas Creative Academy offers exclusive access to resources from industry experts. Master the latest trends, learn proven strategies that work, finally hit the 7-figure mark, and become internationally recognized and celebrated: https://veritascreative.media/creator-academy/

Need more help with your attachment? Work with Adam: www.adamlanesmith.com

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Follow Cole Zesiger

--------------------------------------------------

Website: https://coachcolezesiger.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbR-Co-YONE96kmIsxQPstA

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachcolezesiger/

Twitter /X: https://twitter.com/colezesiger?lang=en

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTdcm8oRf

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cole.zesiger/

--------------------------------------------------

Follow the “I Wish You Knew” Podcast: