Earn Your Happy Terri Cole on High Functioning Codependency, Burnout & Boundaries
Apr 29, 2026
Terri Cole, psychotherapist and author who specializes in codependency and healthy boundaries, breaks down high-functioning codependency and how overgiving leads to burnout and resentment. Short, punchy takes cover spotting overfunctioning, auto-advice, control versus care, guilt around helping, and concrete boundary shifts to protect your time and relationships.
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High Functioning Codependency Is Caring Plus Control
- High-functioning codependency (HFC) is caring plus control where you feel responsible for others' feelings and outcomes.
- Terri Cole defines HFC as being overly invested in others' states to the detriment of your internal peace, often hidden by competence.
Ask Two Questions Before You Say Yes
- Before saying yes ask two questions: do I have the bandwidth to do this without becoming resentful and do I even want to do it.
- Terri Cole recommends using these questions as an immediate filter to prevent self-abandonment and cumulative resentment.
The HFC Burnout Pendulum
- HFCs follow a pendulum from overgiving to a collapse into apathy or rejection when burnout hits.
- Terri Cole describes the cycle: too many fucks to give, cumulative resentment, then swinging to 'I don't give a fuck' or emotional crisis.
