How Our Sensory Differences Are Impacting Our Relationship and the Road to Making Things Better-Lori Crowley

Apr 8, 2025

Lori Crowley, M.A., LMFT, LPCC, is a therapist and coach specializing in neurodivergent families. She discusses the significance of a somatic approach to therapy and how sensory differences impact relationships. Key topics include how sensory experiences shape neural pathways, the importance of recognizing whether a partner's struggles are a 'can't' or a 'won't,' and effective repair strategies like creating safety through validation. Lori also emphasizes reframing expectations and appreciating complementary strengths in emotional exchanges.

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ADVICE

Don't Reason With Overwhelm

Avoid trying to calm an activated partner with logic or invalidation; instead recognize energy as toward or away.
Meet their sensory/energy state rather than demanding reasoning during overwhelm.

INSIGHT

Misunderstanding Is Two-Way

The double empathy problem reframes lack of shared emotional response as mismatched lived experience, not lack of empathy.
Neurotypes may not share the same emotional plane, so misunderstandings are mutual.

ADVICE

Frame Differences As Complementary

Change the frame: view neurodivergent differences as 'opposites complete' rather than 'one must become like the other.'
Combine each partner's strengths to form a complementary system instead of demanding change.

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Lori Crowley, M.A., LMFT, LPCC is a therapist and coach who works with neurodivergent families and couples. During this episode she shares some of her lived experiences and her expertise as well as the importance of taking a somatic approach to psychotherapy. We discuss so many important issues for neurodiverse couples to understand and addresss including:

How to integrate sensory differences.
Dealing with sensory overwhelm.
Neurons that fire together wire together.
Sensory resourcing.
Understanding all of our senses including vestibular, neuroception, and interoception.
Understanding being sensory seeking, sensory avoidant, neutral or a combination.
Brain story on Neuroclastic website
Logicalizing or invalidating emotions.
“Toward” energy and “Away” Energy.
Rewiring your neural pathways.
Double empathy problem.
Changing the frame in which we are holding our experiences.
Opposites can “complete” each other.
Is it a “can’t” or a “won’t”?
Overwhelm, lack of agency/choice and sense of imminent demise can lead to trauma.
How do I repair? 1) Create safety in the environment: Person you are interacting with needs to be seen. Look at them through a sensory lens: 2) They need to be heard. Hold what comes at you; 3) Teding-people want to feel respected. This can help the other person’s energy relax. Remember not to say “but”, however you can say “and”.
Unpacking some of the sensory issues in play that led to Mona moving forward on a divorce.
Understanding if it’s overwhelm or lack of care?
Understand that repair may not be possible, however forgiveness can be very healing.

You can contact Lori for therapy here or for coaching here.

If you missed the 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy "lifetime access" to the 31 sessions and the 4 recorded Q&A sessions. To buy access to the conference sessions or to learn more about the presentation topics, presenters and the bonuses you will receive click here.

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