Best Of: How To Connect With Anyone

76 snips

Mar 12, 2026

Charles Duhigg, Pulitzer Prize–winning journalist and bestselling author of The Power of Habit, explains how communication is a learnable skill. He explores conversation modes, matching emotional tone, using deep questions to invite vulnerability, the role of laughter and authenticity, and practical techniques like looping to reduce conflict. Short, practical, and surprising takes on creating real connection.

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INSIGHT

Neural Entrainment Is The Goal Of Conversation

Conversation succeeds by neural entrainment where listeners' brain activity, pupils, and breathing start to align.
Charles Duhigg explains entrainment causes us to feel connected because describing an emotion makes listeners feel it too, aligning neural activity.

INSIGHT

Match The Conversation Mode To Connect

Conversations fall into three distinct modes: practical, emotional, and social, and success requires matching the other's mode.
Duhigg shows mismatches (e.g., venting vs. problem-solving at home) use different brain systems, blocking alignment.

ANECDOTE

Honesty Turned Jim Lawler's Recruitment Around

CIA officer Jim Lawler repeatedly failed at recruiting until he responded with honesty and vulnerability at dinner with Yasmin.
His candid admission of disappointment triggered mutual vulnerability, and Yasmin became a top asset for 20 years.

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According to Merriam-Webster, the word "conversation" has 36 synonyms, ranging from the alliterative ("confabulation") to the arcane ("persiflage"). Why the linguistic profusion? Because conversing is a fundamental part — maybe the fundamental part — of being human.

We chat with our families, friends, strangers, and co-workers, and we communicate in phone calls, text messages, emails, and (occasionally) postcards. When these tête-à-têtes go well, it is oddly thrilling; we become better versions of ourselves — warmer and wiser, funnier, and consistently insightful. Best of all, a good dialogue is a direct route to connection. "The bond of all companionship," wrote Oscar Wilde, "whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation."

But when a conversation goes poorly, when it stays on the surface ("what do you do for a living?") or devolves into a sputtering mess of misunderstanding ("you’re overreacting!"), we don’t feel the invigorating pulse of connection. What we feel, instead, is the emotional equivalent of a busy signal.

So, this hour, we’re asking: How can we have better conversations? And to help answer that question, we’re joined by Charles Duhigg, a Pulitzer Prize–winning journalist and the bestselling author of "The Power of Habit" and now Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection.

Charles, as you’ll hear, is something of supercommunicator himself — a lithe storyteller who is as well-versed in evolutionary biology as he is in the latest psychology — and after studying the art and science of communication for the last few years, he’s concluded that anyone can become a great conversationalist. You just have to master a few simple skills. Tune in to find out what they are.

(This episode first aired in February 2024.)

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