How to assess which conversation someone wants

According to Merriam-Webster, the word "conversation" has 36 synonyms, ranging from the alliterative ("confabulation") to the arcane ("persiflage"). Why the linguistic profusion? Because conversing is a fundamental part — maybe the fundamental part — of being human.

We chat with our families, friends, strangers, and co-workers, and we communicate in phone calls, text messages, emails, and (occasionally) postcards. When these tête-à-têtes go well, it is oddly thrilling; we become better versions of ourselves — warmer and wiser, funnier, and consistently insightful. Best of all, a good dialogue is a direct route to connection. "The bond of all companionship," wrote Oscar Wilde, "whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation."

But when a conversation goes poorly, when it stays on the surface ("what do you do for a living?") or devolves into a sputtering mess of misunderstanding ("you’re overreacting!"), we don’t feel the invigorating pulse of connection. What we feel, instead, is the emotional equivalent of a busy signal.

So, this hour, we’re asking: How can we have better conversations? And to help answer that question, we’re joined by Charles Duhigg, a Pulitzer Prize–winning journalist and the bestselling author of "The Power of Habit" and now Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection.

Charles, as you’ll hear, is something of supercommunicator himself — a lithe storyteller who is as well-versed in evolutionary biology as he is in the latest psychology — and after studying the art and science of communication for the last few years, he’s concluded that anyone can become a great conversationalist. You just have to master a few simple skills. Tune in to find out what they are.

(This episode first aired in February 2024.)

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