PSR Podcast The Stopwatch Acting Out Cycle
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May 3, 2023 Vern Tompke, a thirty-year pastor, podcaster, and founder of Band of Brothers who coaches men toward freedom from unwanted sexual behaviors. He introduces the Stopwatch Acting Out Cycle and its clock metaphor. He walks through triggers, preoccupation, pursuit, the acting out moment, and the aftermath. He explains interrupting the tick, reaching out early, and practical boundaries to prevent relapse.
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Triggers Are Lightning Bolts Not Always External
- Triggers can be external or internal lightning bolts that start the clock toward acting out.
- Vern describes gym distractions, clickbait, stress, rejection or boredom as examples that initiate preoccupation.
Preoccupation Narrows Focus Toward Rituals
- Preoccupation narrows focus and leads to pursuit where practiced rituals take over, hijacking willpower.
- Vern compares focus to an hourglass narrowing until intention moves toward the porn event.
Pain Follows The Act Not Precedes It
- After the acting-out event comes pain: regret, remorse and dissonance that most people want to avoid.
- Vern places pain at six o'clock on the stopwatch to show the predictable emotional fallout after the porn event.