Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson The Self-Abandonment Loop: Shame, Self-Criticism, and How to Break Free
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Mar 23, 2026 
Dr. Rick Hanson, clinical psychologist and author known for resilience and inner-strength work, joins to unpack shame and the self-abandonment loop. They map the loop and the inner critic, explore parts work and the double-bind, and discuss anger, grief, and practical tools like self-compassion and graded exposure to reclaim agency.
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Active Rejection Versus Passive Neglect
- Rick maps self-abandonment onto two axes: abandoning value vs abandoning suffering, and active rejection vs passive neglect.
- Neglect is often invisible yet highly consequential because omissions go unnoticed.
A Strong Athlete Called Exposure Hardest
- Brad Stolberg, a tough athlete, described exposure therapy for OCD as the hardest thing he's done.
- Forrest used this to show that exposure work requires deep courage even for very resilient people.
Reframe Failed Attempts As Backing Yourself
- Reframe past failed ventures as evidence you backed a part of yourself, not proof you were wrong.
- This internal reframing turns attempts into acts of support rather than self-abandonment.