The Secure Love Podcast with Julie Menanno S3 | Session 1: Setting the TEMPO to Uncover Deep Wounds
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Feb 24, 2026 A couple dives into an anxious-avoidant cycle and the intense therapy model used to break it down. The TEMPO framework is applied to a family-boundary conflict to trace triggers, emotions, meanings, protections, and organization. Deep grief, abandonment, and learned patterns come to light. The session focuses on naming fear, seeking emotional joining, and testing capacity for genuine presence.
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Avoidant Help Looks Like Problem Solving
- Avoidant partners often want to help but are disconnected from their own emotions, so they default to problem-solving.
- Mike describes being 'comfortable' in numbness and surprised by how detached he is emotionally.
Help Yourself Then Help Your Partner
- Teach partners to show up for their own feelings first, then for each other; that's how co-regulation is built.
- Julie will help Mike engage internally before asking him to comfort Rachel effectively.
Dinner Plans Revealed Longstanding Self Abandonment
- A surface fight about family dinner revealed Rachel felt pressured to abandon her preference and feared being seen as selfish.
- She expected Mike to back her but instead faced family norms and self-doubt, triggering shutdown.
