Ask Rachel anything
“My husband is highly critical of the teenagers, gets angry over little things and yells, so I’m having to make up for his behavior, and I often avoid involving him in parenting decisions."
This message came into my Substack. It was a plaintiff request for support and a plea to know how others deal with the problem.
When I posted it (with her permission), a flood of parents said, “This is my life too.”
If you're dealing with high conflict in your home, whether with your teens or your partner, then this is the episode for you.
Conflict navigation specialist, mediator, and divorce coach Masha Rusanov helps us to unpack what really sits behind high‑conflict dynamics at home—especially when one parent is emotionally dysregulated, highly critical, or reactive.
She says:
'We don’t choose our conflicts.
We repeat them.
Until we change the pattern."
Link to my write-up on the topic
In our conversation we explore:
- Why we repeat the same painful conflict patterns (and how to start changing them)
- Masha’s simple but powerful Exhale–Explore–Engage framework you can use in the heat of the moment
- Practical scripts and tools (EAR and BIFF) for navigating a high‑conflict partner
- How to protect your children emotionally, set boundaries, and avoid parentifying them
- Ways to talk to your kids honestly about what’s happening—without overburdening them
If you’ve ever found yourself “making up” for a partner’s behaviour, or trying to keep things calm so your teens feel safe, this conversation is for you.
Masha Rusanov
Repatterned Book
REMINDER: Please don't stay in a situation that is potentially dangerous. This is the national domestic abuse helpline for the UK, but you will likely have one in your country if you're listening somewhere else.
Spotting the signs
- Is your partner jealous and possessive?
- Is he charming one minute and abusive the next?
- Does he tell you what to wear, where to go, who to see?
- Does he constantly put you down?
- Does he play mind games and make you doubt your judgment?
- Does he control your money, or make sure you are dependent on him for everyday things?
- Does he pressure you to have sex when you don’t want to?
- Are you starting to walk on eggshells to avoid making him angry?
- Does he control your access to medicine, devic
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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Parenting Teenagers Untangled: The award-winning podcast for parents of tweens and teens, offering realistic, science-backed advice for calmer, more connected family life. 