Moonshot Mentor with Laverne McKinnon The Weird Things You Do When You’re Grieving
Career grief is not just an emotional experience. It’s a physiological one.
Most of us expect grief to look like tears, sadness, maybe anger. But a lot of the time, grief shows up as: “What is wrong with me lately?”
For me, it’s looked like this.
I wore my pants inside out and didn’t realize until I was already out in the world.
I left the faucet on.
I ate an entire pizza by myself, and not because I was celebrating. Because I was trying to feel something other than what I was feeling.
In those moments, I wasn’t thinking: “I’m grieving.” I was thinking: “I’m losing it.”
What was really happening:. I was experiencing a normal brain and body response to loss.
How Grief Shows Up
Grief is the natural response to any kind of loss. Not just death. Any loss. A job. A role. A team. A dream. A sense of status. A version of your future you were counting on.
When grief goes unnamed and unmourned, your brain often can’t organize the experience. It can’t file it neatly because it keeps trying to treat the loss like a problem you should solve, not something you need to metabolize.
So your body starts speaking up.
That can look like exhaustion. Headaches. Insomnia. Appetite swings. Stomach issues. Muscles that feel tight, wired, and braced.
If the physical stuff is not loud enough, grief can also show up cognitively. Trouble concentrating. Forgetfulness. Confusion. Rumination. Intrusive thoughts. That looping reel you can’t shut off.
And then it shows up in behavior. Withdrawing from others, losing interest in things that once brought joy, avoiding certain places or people, or self-medicating just to get through the day.
None of this means you’re broken. It means something inside you is trying to adapt to what has changed.
The Real Problem Is Not The “Stupid” Moments
The problem is that you’re doing “stupid” things and you’re making them mean something about your character.
You start narrating it like this. I’m off my game. I’m losing my edge. I’m incapable.
And that story adds a second layer of pain. Shame.
That’s the part I want to interrupt.
Because when you look at those symptoms at face value, they can seem random. But they’re not random. They’re signals. They point to something deeper. Unrecognized grief.
Why Career Grief Can Feel Like an Existential Crisis
Career grief rocks more than your schedule and bank account. It rattles your psyche.
Because work is rarely just work in our culture. It’s identity. It’s belonging. It’s validation. It’s structure. It’s the place we get reflected back to ourselves.
So when work breaks, it can feel like you break.
That’s why career grief can border on an existential crisis. It disrupts your sense of purpose, belonging, and identity.
And when grief goes unacknowledged, the price is steep. You lose resilience. Not because you’re weak, but because your system is carrying a load it was never meant to carry alone.
The Solution Is Compassion For The Non Emotional Parts Of Grief
Here’s what I’m asking of you. Instead of treating your symptoms like personal failures, treat them like information.
Compassion is not letting yourself off the hook. It’s seeing clearly what’s happening so you can respond with wisdom instead of self attack.
Here are a few ways to practice that, especially if you’re in a season where you can’t stop everything and “process your feelings”.
1. Name the loss, even if it feels small. Try a simple sentence. Something changed. Something ended. Something didn’t happen. You’re not trying to make it bigger than it is. You’re trying to make it real.
2. Replace the character story with a body story. Instead of “I’m being an idiot,” try: My brain is overloaded. My nervous system is on alert. My body is asking for recovery. That one change can lower shame fast.
3. Build a tiny relief ritual. Not a life overhaul. A small, repeatable cue that tells your system: I’m paying attention. A short walk without your phone. A hot shower with the lights low. Ten minutes lying on the floor with one hand on your chest. A meal that is not eaten standing up. It’s not glamorous. It’s effective.
4. Reduce decisions for a week. Grief burns energy. Decision making burns energy. Stack them together and you start leaving faucets on. Choose two or three defaults for the week. Default breakfast. Default outfit. Default work start and stop time. You’re not becoming predictable. You’re becoming resourced.
5. Tell one safe person the truth. Not the whole story. Just a true sentence. I’ve been more affected than I expected. My focus has been off. I’m dealing with more loss than I’ve named. Grief becomes more workable when it has language and witness.
If you lead a team, this matters too. When a team goes through layoffs, reorganizations, leadership changes, or public setbacks, unprocessed loss doesn’t vanish. It goes underground.
And underground grief tends to reappear as: More conflict over small things. More risk aversion. More second guessing. Lower trust. Lower energy.
Leaders don’t have to turn the workplace into group therapy to address this. But they do need to name what changed and what it cost, at least in human terms.
If you’re noticing strange mistakes, low morale, or unusually thin patience on your team, consider this question: What loss are we acting out that we have not acknowledged?
Bottom Line
If you’ve been making “weird” mistakes, craving comfort food, forgetting simple things, or feeling uncharacteristically foggy, don’t rush to self judgment.
Consider the more accurate explanation. Your body might be grieving.
Career grief is not only emotional. It’s physiological. It shows up in your focus, your appetite, your sleep, your memory, and your ability to self regulate.
The move is not to shame yourself into functioning. The move is to meet the symptoms with compassion, name what’s been lost, and give your system a little more care than you think it deserves.
If you want support applying this to your own situation, I have three 1:1 coaching packages available right now. Book a consult to see if we’re a match.
If someone came to mind while you were reading this—please send it their way. You never know the impact a well-timed message can have.
Related Content
* How To Turn Powerful Failures Into Powerful Breakthroughs
* The 3 Things To Do After You Lose Your Job
* Why Does My Career Setback Still Bother Me?
Longing To Feel Lighter?
Professional heartbreak can leave you spinning. You replay what happened, question your judgment, get stuck in indecision, and worry you’ll never get your mojo back.
Solid Ground is the paid member program inside the Moonshot Mentor Substack community that helps you move from spinning to forward motion.
Paid members tell me they feel less weighed down. Empowered. Relaxed for the first time in a long time. Here’s the thing. It’s not because they got a pep talk. It’s because they finally got an accurate explanation for what’s happening and a way through it.
You’ll get monthly video lessons with a guided companion to help you apply the work, live coaching for real time support, and weekly meditations and journal prompts to rebuild confidence and make decisions without panic.
Become a paid member to access Solid Ground, stop misdiagnosing yourself as broken, and start moving again.
Journal Prompts
Here are 5 journal prompts for Solid Ground members. Use these to connect the dots between what your body is doing and what your life has been carrying.