This Tantric Life with Layla Martin

What To Do When Your Childhood Trauma Is Hijacking Your Relationship

Nov 16, 2025
Guest
Shay Aiyana
Join Shay Aiyana, bestselling author and founder of the Rising Woman community, as she reveals how childhood trauma influences adult relationships and why we often attract partners who mirror our wounds. She discusses the limits of a partner's ability to heal deep-seated issues and the importance of mutual growth. Delve into red flags of toxic dynamics, the significance of self-soothing, and ancestral trauma's impact on love. Shay inspires listeners to embrace self-compassion, celebrate small shifts, and reconnect with joy through creative practices.
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ADVICE

Do Inner Work Before Relying On A Partner

  • Do deep inner work to become more secure before expecting a partner to heal you.
  • Seek partners who mirror your level of inner work rather than believing they will fix your wounds.
INSIGHT

Secure Partners Aid But Don’t Cure Wounds

  • A secure partner can provide stability but cannot magically erase deep core wounds.
  • Stability gives space to heal, but healing still requires personal responsibility and work.
ANECDOTE

Soothing Inner Child Shifted Their Conflict

  • Shay and her husband started 'conscious work' early but hit conflict when attachment wounds emerged.
  • Shay shifted by soothing her inner child during conflict, which deescalated his shutdown pattern and changed their dynamic.
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