187 Setting Boundaries with Emotionally Immature Parents

Apr 18, 2023

Dr. Lindsay Gibson, a clinical psychologist who helps adult children of emotionally immature parents, shares practical strategies for boundary-setting. She outlines a five-step script for conversations, ways to reinforce limits calmly, and tips for managing distance and family gatherings. Short, actionable guidance for protecting your emotional space without escalating conflict.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Books

Transcript

Episode notes

INSIGHT

How Emotionally Immature Parents Create Family Roles

Emotionally immature parents (EIPs) lack empathy and emotional literacy, creating long-term family patterns that scapegoat sensitive internalizers.
Lindsay C. Gibson observed this repeatedly across 35+ years of psychotherapy, where one child becomes enmeshed and another becomes the target.

ADVICE

Use A Five Step Script For Boundary Conversations

Ask for a short, specific time to talk and set ground rules before sharing feelings with an EIP.
Say "I need 10 minutes, will you just listen and let me know you understand?" then use "When you X, I feel Y" and immediately request a specific change.

ADVICE

Follow Feelings With A Specific Request

After stating how you feel, follow immediately with a concrete behavioral request and ask for a trial commitment.
Examples: ask them not to use specific words, speak privately, or say X instead of Y, then ask "Would you be willing to try this for me?"

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

Setting Boundaries with Emotionally Immature People

Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, and Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents provides a 5-part process outlining how to set boundaries with an Emotionally Immature Person (EIP). She also talks about how to reinforce and reset those boundaries when they aren't honored. Dr. Gibson talks about how to determine the optimal physical and psychological distance with EIPs, including examples. Dr. Gibson states what you can say when an EIP says something hurtful.

GUEST

Lindsay Gibson, PsyD.

HIGHLIGHTS

5-Part process in talking to an emotionally immature person:

1. Ask if you can have some time (10 minutes) for the person to listen to you

2. Set ground rules

a. There are some things I need to tell you

b. I'm going to tell you how I'm feeling, and I'd like for you to just listen and understand. You don' have to do anything

c. Are you willing to do this?

3. Tell them what you need to say following this format:

a. When you (example), I feel (share feeling)

4. Follow up immediately with what you would like from them

a. Would you be willing to promise me that

i. You won't use these words (examples)

ii. You will talk to me in private instead of publicly.

iii. You will say this (example) instead of that (example)

5. Would you be willing to try this for me?

GUEST BIO

Lindsay Gibson, PsyD. has been a licensed clinical psychologist for over thirty years and specializes in individual adult psychotherapy with adult children of emotionally immature parents. She is the author of four books. Her book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents remains a #1 Amazon Best Seller. The follow up to this book is Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents, and the 2nd edition of her first book Who You Were Meant To Be has been recently released on Amazon. Her latest book, Self Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, was just released in September 2021. In the past Dr. Gibson has served as an adjunct assistant professor teaching doctoral psychology students.

PODCAST HOST

Patricia Young hosts the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive, and she works with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) helping them to understand their HSP traits, and turning their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate the amazing gifts they have to offer. Patricia works globally online with HSPs providing coaching. Patricia also facilitates online groups for HSPs that focus on building community and developing skills (identifying your superpowers, boundaries, perfectionism, dealing with conflict, mindfulness, embracing emotions, creating a lifestyle that supports the HSP, communication and more).

LINKS

Dr, Gibson's links

Website— http://www.drlindsaygibson.com/

Patricia's Links

HSP Online Course--https://unapologeticallysensitive.com/hsp-online-groups/

Online HSP Course Materials (no group included) https://patriciayounglcsw.com/product-category/hsp-classes/

Receive the top 10 most downloaded episodes of the podcast-- https://www.subscribepage.com/e6z6e6

To write a review in itunes:

click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2
select "listen on Apple Podcasts"
chose "open in itunes"
choose "ratings and reviews"
click to rate the number of starts
click "write a review"

Website--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com

Facebook-- https://www.facebook.com/Unapologetically-Sensitive-2296688923985657/

Closed/Private Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/

Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/

Youtube-- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber

Tik Tok-- https://www.tiktok.com/@hsppodcast

e-mail-- unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com

Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive

Music-- Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com