Sex and Psychology Podcast Episode 484: Who’s Responsible for Your Orgasm? (Essential Listen)
Mar 17, 2026
Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons, an Emory public health professor and author who studies sexual wellness, discusses orgasm equity and who holds responsibility for orgasm during partnered sex. She debunks media myths about simultaneous orgasms and examines why people fake orgasms. The conversation covers scientific definitions, distinctions like ejaculation versus orgasm, and whether multi‑orgasmic skills can be learned.
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Orgasms Are Shared Agency Not Gifts
- Orgasms are never exclusively another person's responsibility and can be personal, shared, or team projects.
- Candice Nicole Hargons frames orgasm agency: you can cultivate your own orgasms or invite partnership, reducing pressure on any single person.
Porn Creates Unrealistic Simultaneous Orgasm Myths
- Media and porn create unrealistic simultaneous-orgasm expectations that mislead inexperienced people about normal sexual patterns.
- Justin Lehmiller and Candice emphasize real-life patterns: sequential orgasms, one partner orgasming, or none, and all can be fine.
Evaluate Reasons Before Faking An Orgasm
- Consider the reason before faking an orgasm and avoid habitual faking that masks unmet sexual needs.
- Candice notes reasons vary: wanting it to end, enhancing pleasure, or protecting a partner's ego; evolve toward transparency when possible.
