Growth Mindset Psychology: The Science of Self-Improvement

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You Didn't Choose Your Attachment Style, but Here's How You Can Change It - With Jessica Baum

Mar 6, 2026

Guest

Jessica Baum

Jessica Baum, psychotherapist and author of Anxiously Attached, specializes in attachment theory and trauma‑informed relationship work. She explains how early survival strategies shape closeness patterns. Short, clear segments cover why attachment repeats, how relationships can retrain the nervous system, co-regulation vs self‑regulation, and moving from fear‑based dependency to healthy interdependence.

53:26

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ADVICE

Retrain Your Nervous System With Reliable Relationships

To heal anxious attachment, validate the original wound then create relationships now that consistently contradict it.
Jessica recommends dependable people like therapists, coaches, or reliable friends to retrain both beliefs and the nervous system.

question_answer

ANECDOTE

Pockets Of Disorganized Attachment In Adult Relationships

Jessica describes 'pockets of disorganized' when a partner shut down and returned unpredictably, causing stomach pain and disorientation.
She uses this personal example to show attachment styles can shift by relationship context.

insights

INSIGHT

Co-regulation Builds The Capacity For Self-Regulation

Babies need co-regulation from caregivers because self-regulation develops later; lack of co-regulation leaves adults prone to external regulators.
Anxious people often regulated caregivers as children and therefore turn to people, substances, or food to calm later.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

What are attachment styles?

02:15 • 3min

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How early experience forms self-beliefs

Changing anxious attachment through new relationships

20:56 • 2min

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Co-regulation and building self-regulation

22:47 • 6min

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Dependency, codependency and interdependence

28:32 • 10min

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Couples therapy: Imago dialogue explained

Therapy expectations and timelines

41:27 • 1min

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Non-attachment causes of relationship problems

42:43 • 2min

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Neuroception, implicit memory and healing

45:12 • 3min

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Personal memories and support

• Mentioned in 58 episodes

Attached

The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love

Amir Levine

In this book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel Heller explore the science of adult attachment, a concept pioneered by John Bowlby. They identify three primary attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, and secure, each influencing how individuals approach relationships. The authors provide tools and communication strategies to help readers determine their own and their partner's attachment styles, navigate relationship challenges, and build more fulfilling and secure relationships. The book emphasizes that understanding attachment styles can help avoid mismatched relationships and foster a more secure and satisfying love life.

#6252

• Mentioned in 8 episodes

Anxiously Attached

Jessica Baum

Anxiously Attached offers a practical approach to understanding and overcoming anxious attachment styles, which can lead to turbulent relationships. Jessica Baum guides readers in developing inner strength, self-love, and secure relationships using her Self-full® Method. The book covers topics such as setting boundaries, effective communication, and understanding the anxious-avoidant dynamic.

Most people think their relationship problems are about the other person. They're not — they're about an 18-month-old version of you who learned the only way to survive.

In this episode, psychotherapist Jessica Baum breaks down why your nervous system is still running a programme it wrote in infancy. Attachment styles — secure, anxious, avoidant, disorganised — aren't personality quirks. They're adaptive strategies your brain built when connection was a matter of survival. The anxious person who chases, the avoidant who disappears, the couple stuck in a loop they can't explain — it all traces back to the same source: early experiences that taught your body what to expect from closeness. Understanding that isn't just interesting. It's the beginning of actually changing it.

Your attachment style isn't fixed — it shifts depending on who you're with
Co-regulation isn't neediness — it's how the nervous system was designed to heal
The goal isn't independence. It's interdependence — being whole and connected

If your relationships keep following the same painful script, this episode is where you start rewriting it.

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CHAPTERS

00:00 What Are Attachment Styles?
01:55 The Origins of Attachment Theory
05:39 Metacognition and Belief Systems in Development
08:14 How to Intervene on Your Own Attachment Patterns
12:10 Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation
15:21 Codependency vs Interdependency
19:14 Mirror Neurons and Attunement
23:05 Cultural Impacts on Attachment
24:56 Attachment Styles — Bug or Evolutionary Feature?
28:24 Signs You Need to Explore Your Attachment Style
29:54 Gender Differences in Attachment
32:03 Narcissism, Borderline, and Attachment Wounds
33:50 How to Help a Couple Heal Attachment Issues
34:58 The Imago Dialogue Explained
37:35 Expectations in Attachment Therapy
38:43 What Else Causes Relationship Problems?
40:07 Boundaries and Implicit Memory
41:46 Neuroception and Building Awareness
44:00 Closing Thoughts and Resources
44:49 Earliest Memories
45:20 The Kindest Thing

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