Married to the Iceman-Communication and Perspective Differences: Understanding and Accepting What Is-Lilo and Bill

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Aug 22, 2023

Lilo and Bill share their journey through over 30 years of marriage, navigating communication challenges after Bill's autism diagnosis. They reveal how asking the right questions can foster understanding and highlight the importance of accepting different perspectives. With humor and honesty, they discuss the struggle between belonging and authenticity, the impact of individual needs on relationships, and how failures can strengthen love. Their insights encourage embracing uniqueness while deepening connection, making the discussion relatable for all neurotypes.

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INSIGHT

The Life Dog Role

Lilo describes herself as Bill's "life dog," acting as his personal assistant and navigator.
She helps him with social cues, reminders, and navigating interpersonal relationships.

ANECDOTE

Differing Importance of Holidays

Mona had to remind her ex-husband to connect with family on holidays and birthdays.
This highlights the differing importance placed on such events in neurodiverse couples.

INSIGHT

Holidays and Gifts

Holidays and gifts are less important to Bill than the family connection they offer.
Lilo values these occasions and has taught Bill to participate even if he doesn't fully understand.

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Lilo and Bill offer so many valuable insights and lessons based on the learned experiences they have had before and after Bill was diagnosed as an autist. They have been together for over 30 years, and Bill received his autism diagnosis after more then 20 years of marriage (and lots of challenges they didn't understand).

During this episode, Bill and Lilo share openly and honestly about how they have struggled and persevered in love. Bill spent 24 years in the military and Lilo is an artist, hairdresser, and home-schooled all of her children. They have moved 14 times and through all of the ups and downs of life they have discovered the unique strengths, challenges and differences that have helped them grow and learn about each other in ways they never expected. This episode is filled with lots of laughs and insights that will be helpful for all neurotypes.

The topics we address include:

Communication challenges and ways to address them
Asking your partner if they "will" do something, instead of if they "want" to do something
Marriage is a contest of generosities.
Being unorthodox and eccentric.
Understanding how you each "recharge" differently.
Mr. Spock as a spirit animal?
When one partner wants a "mute" button for the other.
Having a "neurostat' for sensory input.
When strengths may also create challenges.
Struggles and failure can make us stronger.
Love is the glue that helps us advance civilization
Being a learning organism.
Give up on what's supposed to be a "normal" marriage/relationship and accepting what is.
Being a life dog, navigator, personal assistant.
Stop expecting an apple to be a pear.
Everyone is a swiss cheese person and you need to fill your own holes.
Texts and emails remove "tone".
Time limits when discussing emotional issues.
Rituals and routine.
When holidays and presents don't have the same value or importance.
Is it black and white thinking or both non-linear and linear?
Patience is critical.
Understanding different perspectives regarding loneliness and time alone.
The life changing impact of understanding autism.

You can listen to Lilo's podcast called "Touching the 'Tism" or Bill's podcast "Chasing Ghosts: An Irregular Warfare Podcast". You can e-mail Lilo at marriedtotheiceman@gmail.com or email Bill at: cgpodcast@pm.me

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