Waking Up to Narcissism Your Memory Has Been Turned Against You: Lying, Gaslighting, and Confabulation (Oh My!)
Your memory has been turned—and the double agent is inside your own mind. After years in a relationship with someone emotionally immature or narcissistic, the damage isn't just that they rewrite history. It's that you stop trusting your own ability to know what happened. This episode unpacks confabulation—the unconscious, real-time rewriting of memory that goes far beyond lying or gaslighting—and explains why the story keeps changing, why you can't win the memory argument, and why your gut is still your most reliable intelligence.
Tony Overbay, LMFT, walks through the neuroscience of how memory actually works, why your brain's negativity bias makes you especially vulnerable in these relationships, and what you can do when your explicit memory has been compromised but your body still knows the truth.
In this episode, you'll discover:
- The critical difference between lying, gaslighting, and confabulation—and why confabulation is the most disorienting of the three
- Why your implicit memory (your gut) can't be gaslit—and how to start trusting the data your nervous system is handing you
- How the brain's negativity bias creates a lopsided scorecard that someone emotionally immature exploits, often without even knowing it
- The "false self" vs. a healthy ego—and why confabulation is a fragile identity fighting for survival, not a calculated strategy
- Real examples from therapy sessions, interrogation rooms, and faith transitions that reveal confabulation in action
As a licensed marriage and family therapist who has worked with hundreds navigating emotionally immature relationships, Tony brings both clinical precision and deep compassion to a topic that can finally help you stop questioning your sanity.
If you've been told your memory is wrong but your body keeps telling you something isn't right—this episode is your permission to trust what you feel.
00:00 Your Memory Betrays You
02:21 The Double Agent Reveal
02:54 Why You Feel Crazy
04:27 Implicit Memory Saves You
07:15 What Confabulation Means
09:59 How Narcissists Rewrite Reality
15:38 How Memory Gets Shaped
17:20 Negativity Bias And Healing
23:49 Lies Gaslighting Confabulation
26:40 Why The Story Keeps Changing
29:51 Fame Identity Collapse
31:37 Everyday Confabulation Fights
32:51 Faith Crisis Family Story
37:27 Belief Systems Double Down
39:47 Interrogation Room Patching
43:13 Politics Ego Survival
47:06 Healthy vs False Ego
50:48 Course Pitch Pillars
54:30 Final Takeaways Wrap