On Attachment

#99: Attachment Styles & Break-Ups

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Aug 10, 2023
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INSIGHT

Why Breakups Devastate Anxious People

  • Anxiously attached people treat relationships as an anchor, over-indexing their identity and purpose on the partner.
  • That focus means breakups leave them empty-handed: they've poured energy into saving the relationship and often neglected other life areas.
ADVICE

Focus On Rebuilding Yourself After A Breakup

  • Turn attention inward after a breakup and rebuild self-worth, self-trust, and self-compassion instead of obsessing over the ex.
  • Use the breakup as an opportunity to re-establish routines, friendships, and personal pillars you neglected.
INSIGHT

Avoidant Relief After Relationship Strain

  • Avoidant-leaning people experience relational strain as draining and will often withdraw rather than ramp up efforts.
  • For them, aloneness is comfortable, so breakups commonly bring immediate relief from emotional burden.
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