The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos How to Feel Truly Loved (with Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis)
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Feb 9, 2026 
Dr. Harry Reis, a social psychologist who studies closeness and connection, and Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a happiness researcher and author, explore why people can be loved but not feel loved. They discuss listening skills, radical curiosity, authentic sharing, kindness, and simple conversational mindsets that deepen connection and make others feel truly seen.
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Middle School Camp And The Pain Of Exclusion
- Harry Reis recounts middle school nights tracking inclusion and friendships at summer camp.
- He tracked who was included and felt devastated when he was left out, illustrating lifelong sensitivity to belonging.
Lack Of Love Harms Body And Mind
- Not feeling loved harms emotional well-being and physical health, linking to diseases like heart disease and cancer.
- Experiments show socially isolated people are more likely to get sick after exposure to viruses.
Make Conversations About Them First
- Approach conversations aiming to make the other person feel loved by listening with genuine curiosity.
- Use prompts like "Tell me more" to convey interest and spark reciprocal connection.
