Making Polyamory Work Primal Panic
Mar 17, 2026
A deep dive into sudden attachment alarms called primal panic and what sparks them in poly relationships. Personal stories illustrate how nervous-system reactions like fight, freeze, or fawn unfold. Practical topics include common triggers, unhelpful reactive patterns, and how compassionate regulation and curious inquiry can create space for co-creation and healing.
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Drew's Primal Panic After A New Relationship
- Libby recalls nights when her husband Drew became overwhelmed, pounding his fist and having panic attacks as her new relationship progressed.
- The panic included sleeplessness, weight loss, and repeated fights driven by feeling out of the loop and threatened.
Primal Panic As Attachment Nervous System Activation
- Jessica Fern frames primal panic as nervous system attachment activation that can be triggered by symbolic or theoretical threats.
- Libby emphasizes this activation can escalate into panic attacks, meltdowns, and conflict that go beyond simple jealousy.
Adult Relationships Are Mutual Not Parental
- Libby distinguishes child-parent attachment from adult partnerships and argues adults shouldn't be treated as primary attachment figures.
- She stresses adult relationships should be mutual, with each person responsible for self-regulation and the option to leave if needed.
