Sex for Saints Episode 239 - Talking to Teens about Sex Shame Free: An Interview with Crystal Bowman
Nov 18, 2022
Crystal Bowman, a therapist who helps highly religious clients navigate affairs and sexual compulsivity, presents a shame-free approach to talking with kids and teens about sex. She outlines a three-column model of needs, urges, and behaviors. Practical metaphors like thirst and hunger make conversations easier. Strategies include anticipating scenarios, planning responses, and prioritizing repair and connection.
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Use Three Columns To Explain Needs Urges And Behaviors
- Teach bodily needs, urges, and behaviors in three columns so kids can see cause and effect.
- Use simple examples (hydration: need = hydration, urge = thirst, behaviors = water, soda, alcohol) to normalize urges and choices.
Pleasure Is A Reinforcer Not The Primary Need
- Pleasure reinforces urges but is not the primary function of biological needs like hunger or thirst.
- Overfocusing on pleasure leads to poor choices (e.g., choosing cinnamon rolls over nutritious food) and leaves needs unmet.
Cinnamon Roll Binge Demonstrates Pleasure Driven Choices
- Crystal shares a cinnamon roll story where she ate an entire pan and then crashed, illustrating poor choices driven by pleasure.
- That binge left her unfulfilled and showed how food that feels good can fail to meet the need for nutrients.