John Cardamone, a body safety educator and survivor of childhood sexual abuse, shares practical guidance. He explains why spotting strange behaviours matters more than stranger danger. He outlines how everyday connection and clear boundaries create safety. He describes calm, validating responses to disclosures and introduces the BE KARMA framework for belief and support.
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John's Personal Disclosure Journey
John Cardamone disclosed he was sexually abused from age six for two years and only revealed it through behaviour before telling his mum.
He uses this personal healing journey to explain why children often can't verbalise abuse and need preconditions for safety.
insights INSIGHT
Teach Strange Behaviours Not Stranger Danger
Most child sexual abuse is committed by someone known to the child, so 'stranger danger' is misleading.
John recommends shifting language to teach children to notice strange behaviours rather than only fearing strangers.
insights INSIGHT
Connection Security And Boundaries Create Safety
Preconditions for disclosure are connection, security and clear boundaries delivered through ongoing communication and role modelling.
John compares body-safety education to teaching maths: it must be explicit, ongoing and normalised in daily talk.
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What happens in the moment a child finally says something is wrong?
For many children experiencing abuse, it takes years to speak up - if they ever do. And when they finally tell someone, the response they receive can shape the rest of their healing.
In this powerful conversation, Dr Justin Coulson speaks with body-safety educator and survivor John Cardamone about what children actually need to feel safe enough to disclose abuse - and the critical mistakes adults often make in the first moments after a child tells them.
John shares his own experience of abuse as a child, the two years it took him to speak up, and the simple but life-changing framework every parent should know if a child ever confides in them.
This is a difficult topic - but one every parent needs to understand.
KEY POINTS
Most children who experience sexual abuse know the person involved.
Many children try to disclose through behaviour before words.
Kids are far more likely to speak up when they feel safe, connected, and heard in everyday moments.
The way parents respond to small problems trains children whether it’s safe to share bigger ones.
Traditional “stranger danger” messaging can miss the reality that abuse is usually committed by someone known to the child.
Body safety education should be ongoing, simple, and part of everyday conversation.
A parent’s first response to a disclosure can either start the healing process or deepen the trauma.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“The way you respond to a disclosure can either start the healing process… or prolong the trauma.”
Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families