187: Am I Falling For The Idea Of Them? W/ Damona Hoffman

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Feb 10, 2026

Damona Hoffman, a dating coach and author of F the Fairy Tale, helps decode modern romantic fantasy. She discusses how texting and dopamine loops create false intimacy. Short rules like meeting sooner, spotting emotional unavailability, and choosing clarity over potential are explored. The conversation centers on slowing down, trusting instincts, and dating with intention.

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INSIGHT

Fairy Tales Shape Dating Expectations

Disney and rom-com narratives train adults to chase romantic potential instead of reality.
That fantasy focus makes people obsess over "what if" instead of evaluating who someone actually is.

INSIGHT

Texts Can Mimic Intimacy

Texting creates dopamine loops and can feel like intimacy without substance.
Good morning/night texts can mask lack of intentionality if there's no real-life showing up.

ADVICE

Date In Person Quickly

Meet matches in person within one day to one week to avoid building a fantasy over text.
Prioritize real-world interaction to compare in-person chemistry with texting chemistry.

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In this episode, Sabrina sits down with dating expert Damona Hoffman to unpack how fairy tales, rom-coms, and modern dating apps fuel obsession, fantasy, and anxious attachment. They break down why texting chemistry, dopamine loops, and “potential” keep people stuck in confusing dating dynamics—and how to shift from chasing sparks to choosing emotional safety, clarity, and real connection.

If you’re tired of mixed signals, hot-and-cold behavior, situationships, or questioning someone’s attachment style, this conversation reframes dating through grounded psychology and nervous system awareness. You’ll learn how to stop romanticizing unavailable partners, identify emotional unavailability early, and date with intention instead of fantasy—so you can build a healthy, secure relationship rooted in reality, not wishful thinking.

Want to have your submission appear on a future show? Send in your stories, questions, or dating profiles to inthetrenches@sabrinazohar.com Get 'F the Fairy Tale' by Damona!

If you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step HERE!

If you’re serious about changing your dating patterns instead of repeating them, the Art of Going Slow course helps you unlearn urgency, regulate your nervous system, and build real connection without rushing, chasing, or abandoning yourself HERE!

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Chapters

00:00 – Dating Myths & Fairy Tale Fantasy

04:18 – Obsessing Over Potential vs Reality

08:12 – Texting, Dopamine & False Intimacy

13:05 – Good Morning Texts & Anxiety Loops

18:02 – Why Sparks Don’t Equal Compatibility

23:11 – Emotional Unavailability Explained

28:07 – Mixed Signals & Hot-Cold Behavior

33:02 – Attachment Styles vs Real Behavior

38:06 – Emotional Intimacy & Secure Love

42:10 – Dating With Clarity, Not Fantasy

Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity.

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